How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

Think you might be attracted to your best friend? Don’t feel embarrassed if you do – it’s truly not uncommon. Take this quiz to find out if it’s true love, just a phase, or nothing at all, really.

So I keep having these dreams of me and my best friend having sleep overs and being very close to each other. And I’m bi so I don’t really mind being in love with her and she is omnisexual so it could work out. But I’m like really weird and she is like the cool kid in school. So I’m not sure if she has feelings for me or if she just thinks of me as a friend. Another problem is that it could break up our friend group of three and we have all known each other since we were 5. I really don’t know what to do. Can someone please give me advice?

I got “ You might like her enough to start something with her.”
I also have a crush on another girl (who happens to be my best friend) but I think she has a crush on another one of my female friends. They get along really well and I’m happy for them but at the same time I’m kinda sad.

Now about this first girl, I asked her if she could live with a partner who owned a pet, and she said no she couldn’t imagine living with any partner. Not sure if that means with a romantic partner, or with a different kind of partner.

  • Syracuse University

What are some signs you might be a lesbian? Is there a test to see if you are a lesbian or not? When you are questioning your sexuality and wondering if you are a lesbian or not, you may be hoping there are certain signs that will help you figure it out. Although this is not a sure-fire test, if you experience three or more of these eight signs, you might be a lesbian. It’s worth investigating further.

These are a few signs that you might be a lesbian or bisexual. Of course, there is no 100% sure way to tell. Discovering your sexual orientation takes time and self-exploration. Be patient with yourself and give yourself the time you need to figure it out.

When You’re On a Date with a Guy, You’re Thinking About Your Female Best Friend

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

When you’re on a date with a guy, you’re thinking about how you can’t wait until it’s over so you can call your BFF–Not to tell her about the date, but to hear her voice and listen to how her day was. And then to make a plan to see her soon. All of this before you plan a second date with the dude.

Your Eyes are Drawn to Women in Movies

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

When you watch movies, your eyes are drawn to the female lead and not the hunky male. You can’t help noticing how beautiful she is and you watch the movie over and over just to see that one moment where the camera closes in on her slightly parted lips and all you can think about is ​kissing them.

You See Women Everywhere

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

When you’re out on the town or at the mall, you tend to notice girls first and eventually you notice that there’s a man there too. You do this before you even think. It’s an instinct.

Most of Your Friends Are Women

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

You seek out girls and women for friendships, conversations, support, and fun. All of your best friends are women, except maybe a few sensitive or gay men.

You’ve Questioned Your Sexuality

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

You’ve asked yourself “Am I a lesbian?” “Am I gay?” “Am I bisexual?” If you’re asking yourself these questions, it’s a sign that you could be lesbian or bisexual. People who are not attracted to the same sex don’t tend to ask themselves if they are gay or not.

You’ve Fallen in Love with a Woman.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

You’ve had a relationship with a woman and it was great. It’s over now and so you don’t know if it was a one-off thing or if you’re a lesbian for real. If you’ve had one relationship with a woman, chances are you have the capability to fall in love with a woman again, even if you’ve dated men before or since.

Lesbian Love Stories Get to You

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

You get tingly feelings when you read lesbian romance or watch lesbian romantic movies. When you watch a romantic movie or read a lesbian romance novel, you feel something deep inside when the couple kisses for the first time. You imagine yourself in a similar situation and it makes you feel happy and good inside. You have a sense of longing that echoes that of the heroines of the romance.

You’ve Kissed a Girl and You Liked It.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

Although you don’t need to have kissed someone or had sex to know if you are a lesbian or not, if you have and you liked it, that’s a positive sign that you might be a lesbian. It is especially a good sign if when you’re kissing you feel a desire to go further than just kissing.

12 lesbian, bisexual and pansexual women share the best and worst ways their female friends have reacted.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

Coming out is unfortunately still a thing that loads of LGBTQ+ people feel the need to do, because, well, being straight and cisgender is still seen as “the norm”. Hopefully, one day, it won’t even be necessary to have to explain to people that your gender identity or sexuality is different from what they expect. For now, it’s still very much ‘A Thing’ – and certainly not a one time thing, either.

But what happens when you come out to your female friends. Are they always supportive, or do they sometimes get a bit weird/homophobic? Here, queer women who also identify as lesbian, bisexual and pansexual explain how coming out impacted their friendships with straight women. If you’re a straight person reading this: some of the below are masterclasses in how not to act when your pal comes out to you.

1.”When I started being more confident about saying it out loud, it was a trip. We could go from talking about gory details of our masturbation habits to trying anal for the first time. But as soon as I mentioned I liked ladies, a lot of my girlfriends would clam up or freeze. I never got any direct ‘well don’t hit on me’ responses but they might have if I hadn’t been dating my now-husband.” [via]

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

2.”I only really ‘came out’ to a couple of people. I just kind of slipped it into casual conversations with others. Most of them were completely normal about it, but one girl asked if I’d ever had a crush on her and got kind of annoyed when I said no (even though she was straight).” [via]

3.”Two got awkward, but I knew they were homophobes long before I knew I was bi, so no surprise there. The rest didn’t care one bit. I’m not [friends with them anymore]. One I see once a year at another friend’s birthday party, the other one I haven’t seen since graduation.” [via]

“They just weren’t interested in maintaining a friendship after I came out”

4.”I never had many friends as such, so either I didn’t care to tell them, and the better ones never made a big thing of it when they knew. There was the usual amount of people who think I just ‘turned bi’ to ‘make a point of being non-conformist’ and annoy the establishment (I’ve always been the outsider). Let them think that.” [via]

5.”It’s so annoying when [them thinking you fancy them is] their reaction. When I came out to my friend as bi, they had that reaction. I was pretty immature and young at the time, so I told her, ‘eww gross. I’ll pass. Thanks for the offer though!’ She was salty. I definitely wouldn’t respond like that if it happened today, but I’m not going to lie it felt satisfying at the time.” [via]

6.”They were all happy for me. It took me a while to get over my impostor syndrome, so when I was finally comfortable enough to claim the identity for myself, they were more proud of me than anything. I also don’t fuck with bigots. I’m very picky about the kinds of people I allow in my life, and anyone who’d be uncomfortable with a queer friend would not be my friend to begin with.” [via]

7.”I’m bisexual. To my high school friends: two got really weird and thought I wanted them and stopped talking to me, two basically shrugged and said it was cool, and the other two, who were already out as bi, hugged me and we went out for food. To my [uni] friends: one made some unrelated transphobic comments (?!), most of them made an, ‘OK cool’ sort of comment, and one immediately tried to set me up with her lesbian friend. I don’t think any other times that I’ve come out to people have been remarkable in anyway. More, ‘wow, really? I wouldn’t have guessed’ sorts of comments than I’d like to hear, because wtf is a bisexual woman supposed to look/act like, you know?” [via]

“They didn’t want to support my bad ‘lifestyle choice'”

8.”I never formally came out, people just knew. I’ve never had an adverse reaction from my friends though, if I did, they wouldn’t be my friends for much longer.” [via]

9. “Most common response: not giving a shit. Second most common response: stopped being friends with me because they didn’t want to support my bad ‘lifestyle choice’. Third most common response: them getting upset that I might have a crush on them. But dropping the issue and moving on when I said that’s not the case. The other response I got: them getting upset that I might have a crush on them and then proceeding to get angry at me when I said I didn’t.” [via]

10.”When I came out in high school I had three friends who were very supportive and we’re still friends now. Most said they didn’t care, but our friendships deteriorated. They just weren’t interested in maintaining a friendship after I came out. And then there was a handful (spilt between girls and guys) that were extremely homophobic. They spread rumours, vandalised my locker, stuff like that.” [via]

11.”One of my friends of five years hugged me and said ‘I’m not hitting on you or anything, it’s just a hug’. Thanks for the clarification.” [via]

12.”My friends of all genders all know just because of stuff I’ve said during random conversations. The only time it ever came up as a question was when we’d been discussing a guy I’d got with and a girl I liked messaged me. A female friend (it was a girls’ night out for a friend’s 21st) asked if I was bi. I said, ‘yeah’ and that was that. All of my friends are cool with it. I know I’m lucky to have such a good group of friends.” [via]

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

When I was in middle school, the popular girls liked to sneer at me and my friends for being “total lesbians.”

Ever the activist even back in the day, I didn’t let this bother me, even though I identified as a straight woman.

“Yeah,” I’d say, grabbing a friend’s hand, “we’re totally lesbians.”

If you’re in a close relationship with another woman and you both happen to actually be straight, it can be hard to wrap for people to wrap their heads around.

That’s because girl friends who aren’t girlfriends have no problem with people thinking we may be lesbians! After all, there’s nothing wrong with being in a lesbian relationship, right?!

And we know that sometimes, the line drawn between truly loving our friends and being in love with our friends can be faint at best.

Being close with friends with another woman means enjoying a level of intimacy (emotional and physical) that is so awesome it often makes other people jealous.

Here are 9 signs that your straight friendship might be a little bit lesbian (and why that’s a total compliment).

1. You’re constantly stripping in front of each other.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

Straight friends think nothing of whipping off their tops around each other. And their bottoms. And whatever else needs removing.

Being naked with your friends doesn’t mean you’re looking to embrace a new totally LGBT lifestyle, it means you feel comfortable enough with your friends to be literally naked in your own skin around them, and that’s beautiful.

Plus it gives you the excuse you’ve been looking for to ask about that bra she has that you ADORE.

2. You know what her boobs feel like.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

..and she knows what your butt feels like.

The men you know with straight friends might love each other, but when they go to the movie theater they leave a sit in between them so no one will think they’re gay.

That’s ridiculous (and homophobic), and any girl with a super intimate woman friend will agree.

In close female friendships, we view our friend’s bodies as extensions of our own, and who doesn’t like to have their butt squeezed one in a while?

3. Snuggling on the regs is required in friendship.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

Forget Netflix and chill, for you and your bestie it’s always been Netflix and snuggle.

Sure, you may start the movie marathon on opposite sides of the couch, but you know you’re going to wind up in a puppy pile of snuggles before too long.

Being straight friends doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the comfort and love of physical contact.

4. You’ve definitely made out once.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

Getting drunk and making out with your best friend doesn’t make you a lesbian.

It makes you a human person who feels close enough to their bestie that they feel safe to explore and play.

That doesn’t mean you don’t laugh about it later, mind you, but it doesn’t turn into a big effin’ deal. For lots of people, sexuality is fluid and not always just defined as “gay” or “straight”.

You kissed a girl and you liked it, now move along.

5. They’re your go-to threesome third.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

If your boyfriend wanted to have a threesome, she’s the person you’d ask to join you in the sack.

It’s a testimony to your friendship and to her hotness that you wouldn’t think twice about asking her to join the wild rumpus in your bed.

6. They take care of you when you’re sick.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

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With boyfriends you have to follow a series of mysterious rules and guidelines when it comes to expecting them to be there when you’re sick, but not so with your friendships with women.

She may be your straight friend, but she’s gonna be at your door with soup faster than you can say “You had me at hello.”

7. You cannot stand their exes.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

Or anyone who has treated the friendship love of your life like crap!

If there’s one thing female best friends will always roll up their sleeves and do battle for, it is to defend the honor of their best friend, whether or not that ex is a guy or a girl.

8. You have no problem lavishing each other with praise.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

Boyfriends can be super stingy with compliments, that’s why friendships that are a little bit lesbian never are.

If people heard the two of you cooing over each other’s new haircut or newly acquired abs they might assume you’re lesbians.

But that’s because people cannot handle the depth of female friendship. And are probably afraid to admit their own discomfort with two women really loving each other — lesbians or not.

9. You fight and make up like pros.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

The only people who are better at arguing than you and your friend are couples who have been married for decades.

You fight like people in love, and your reconciliations are just as joyous . though probably with just a little bit less sex.

More content from YourTango:

Do you have a lesbian or bi friend you think might fancy you? Or, do you like a lesbian or bi friend and want to find out if she likes you back? It’s not as uncommon as you might think! Take this totally accurate quiz now and find out what you need to know!

She told me once a long👮time ago that she used to like me and then she got a girlfriend and I confessed my feelings to her, once they broke up she started talking to me normally again and we got close again and now we are both single and we just hang out whenever we can and we absouelty love each other, I didnt think she liked me till I did this quiz. I dont know if I should tell her I like her or just ignore it, cause I’m really nervous and she is also

i met her at a mental hopstial and then I found out she goes to my school lol! shes 13 and im 14 and shes really short 🙂 we both are in 8th grade and we are always together, give me advice owo

So, according to this test, she either likes me. or REALLY likes me.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

1. I have SUCH a girlcrush on Jennifer Lawrence. *looks at me, winks*
Girls are attractive. You like to look at them sometimes. I like to make out with them sometimes. This is because, as previously mentioned, girls are attractive. It doesn’t mean that we get to wink at each other, or that we are now best friends who understand a special secret. It means that Jennifer Lawrence is hot and we both have eyeballs.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

3. So, who’s the boy in your relationship?
Hopefully no one… because I like women. You did catch that part about me being a lesbian, right?

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

5. How do you guys… *shifty eyes* …YOU KNOW?
Listen. If we are TALKING about sex, you can talk to me about sex. If we have just met, or if we are talking about wallpaper, please do not think that I will be your guide to the land of lesbian sex. You’ve got a hand, a mouth, and a vagina. Figure it out.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

7. My boyfriend wouldn’t even care if we made out…
Oh, your boyfriend says it’s cool? Oh, good! So you want to make out with me and your boyfriend thinks that’s fine, so I guess we’d better do this. *takes off shirt*

Oh, wait. NO ONE ASKED ME.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

9. Can you open this jar / fix my television / kill this bug?
Kissing girls doesn’t make me stronger than you. Liking boobs doesn’t give me an automatic knowledge of electronics. And no I cannot kill that bug for you IT IS HUGE AND WILL PROBABLY CLIMB UNDER MY FINGERNAILS AND LAY EGGS UNDER MY SKIN.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

11. But if you like girls that look like boys. why don’t you want to date boys?
I don’t know. If you like boys so much, why don’t you want to date my girlfriend who “looks like a boy”? Case dismissed, overruled, approach the bench, goodnight.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

13. I made out with a girl in college. *looks at me, winks*
We all made out with a girl in college. Your mom probably made out with a girl in college. Making out with girls is fun, and you like fun and you’ve had some life experience. Good for you. PLEASE. STOP. WINKING. AT. ME.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

She’s beautiful. She’s smart. She’s hilarious. She has glorious full lips and eyes that just.

Hey, wait a minute. Where are you going with this train of thought? Do you even know? If you’re thinking girl crush, are you sure? In the words of Jenna Marbles, ask yourself: “Do I want to be her or do I want to be on her?”

What is a girl crush, anyway? It seems to be just a non-lesbian way to say you adore this particular girl. I’m not even sure why having a crush on a female friend is a thing because when you get to the core of “girl crush” what you’re really trying to say is I admire her.

Why can’t we just say we admire her and we want to be her? Saying you admire someone isn’t gay and even if you have an actual crush on her, so what?

I’m probably hitting a lot of hot buttons that are making you panic, so let’s get to figuring out if it’s admiration you feel or if you have a real crush on a female friend.

1. You feel a certain way when you look at her.

Girl crush: You really wish you had her body. What body lotion does she use? Or does she use body butter? What about hair products? How does she get her hair to do what it does? God, could she be any more perfect?

Actual crush: You notice she has a nice body and you kinda wanna touch her. Anywhere will do. You’re sort of forgetting what personal space means, too. Unconsciously, of course.

2. You really want to talk to her.

Girl crush: You want to know what’s going on in her life and hear all about her amazing boyfriend and the crazy dates she’s been on. She’s so interesting!

Actual crush: You really just want to talk to her all day long about anything and everything. She makes you laugh and smile a lot. She makes you feel good. And sometimes, you do talk all day — those are the best!

3. You think about her a lot.

Girl crush: You think she’s amazing. She’s the luckiest girl with the greatest hair, the greatest boobs, the greatest boyfriend. She’s so smart and pretty and talented.

Actual crush: You can’t stop thinking about her. You can’t stop daydreaming about her perfect hair, perfect boobs, her sense of humor, her wit — the list goes on, really. She’s always on your mind. She’s your last thought before you sleep and the first when you wake up. She’s also the first person you text each day.

4. You get jealous of her.

Girl crush: She’s flawless with the perfect life. How can you not be jealous? Maybe if you stand in her shadow some of that flawlessness will rub off on you. Maybe an amazing boyfriend will sweep you up. Her boyfriend has a brother, right? A best friend?

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Actual crush: When you get down to it, you notice you’re jealous of her boyfriend. I mean, they’re always together, always watching movies, Netflix and chill never happens for them, and they’re always hanging out. Ugh!

5. You think she should leave her boyfriend.

Girl crush: Because she’s your girl and he is actually not as amazing as you once thought. She deserves way better than him. Doesn’t he know how good he has it? No, of course not. He doesn’t deserve her. Plus, she’s never around anymore because of him. She has time for no one.

Actual crush: Because she’s your girl. She’s never around anymore. She can do better than him. She deserves someone to treat her like the majestic unicorn she is. She deserves you. You can do better than him.

6. You miss her when you’re not hanging out.

Girl crush: Saturday nights just aren’t as fun without her. Sure, you can continue binge-watching your show but it won’t be the same without her and her (tipsy) commentary.

Actual crush: You can’t really seem to stay away. You say bye or goodnight at the end of your day, but a little while later, you’re texting her again. And you’ll look for any excuse to hang out. You’re open to anything. The more frequent, the better.

So, how did you do? If you found yourself agreeing more with the girl crush, then you just admire her. You want to be her and be her best friend at the same time. If you find yourself agreeing more with the actual crush, then I’d say you want to be on her. It might be time to test the waters to see if she might swing your way.

How to tell if your best friend is a lesbian

She’s beautiful. She’s smart. She’s hilarious. She has glorious full lips and eyes that just.

Hey, wait a minute. Where are you going with this train of thought? Do you even know? If you’re thinking girl crush, are you sure? In the words of Jenna Marbles, ask yourself: “Do I want to be her or do I want to be on her?”

What is a girl crush, anyway? It seems to be just a non-lesbian way to say you adore this particular girl. I’m not even sure why having a crush on a female friend is a thing because when you get to the core of “girl crush” what you’re really trying to say is I admire her.

Why can’t we just say we admire her and we want to be her? Saying you admire someone isn’t gay and even if you have an actual crush on her, so what?

I’m probably hitting a lot of hot buttons that are making you panic, so let’s get to figuring out if it’s admiration you feel or if you have a real crush on a female friend.

1. You feel a certain way when you look at her.

Girl crush: You really wish you had her body. What body lotion does she use? Or does she use body butter? What about hair products? How does she get her hair to do what it does? God, could she be any more perfect?

Actual crush: You notice she has a nice body and you kinda wanna touch her. Anywhere will do. You’re sort of forgetting what personal space means, too. Unconsciously, of course.

2. You really want to talk to her.

Girl crush: You want to know what’s going on in her life and hear all about her amazing boyfriend and the crazy dates she’s been on. She’s so interesting!

Actual crush: You really just want to talk to her all day long about anything and everything. She makes you laugh and smile a lot. She makes you feel good. And sometimes, you do talk all day — those are the best!

3. You think about her a lot.

Girl crush: You think she’s amazing. She’s the luckiest girl with the greatest hair, the greatest boobs, the greatest boyfriend. She’s so smart and pretty and talented.

Actual crush: You can’t stop thinking about her. You can’t stop daydreaming about her perfect hair, perfect boobs, her sense of humor, her wit — the list goes on, really. She’s always on your mind. She’s your last thought before you sleep and the first when you wake up. She’s also the first person you text each day.

4. You get jealous of her.

Girl crush: She’s flawless with the perfect life. How can you not be jealous? Maybe if you stand in her shadow some of that flawlessness will rub off on you. Maybe an amazing boyfriend will sweep you up. Her boyfriend has a brother, right? A best friend?

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Actual crush: When you get down to it, you notice you’re jealous of her boyfriend. I mean, they’re always together, always watching movies, Netflix and chill never happens for them, and they’re always hanging out. Ugh!

5. You think she should leave her boyfriend.

Girl crush: Because she’s your girl and he is actually not as amazing as you once thought. She deserves way better than him. Doesn’t he know how good he has it? No, of course not. He doesn’t deserve her. Plus, she’s never around anymore because of him. She has time for no one.

Actual crush: Because she’s your girl. She’s never around anymore. She can do better than him. She deserves someone to treat her like the majestic unicorn she is. She deserves you. You can do better than him.

6. You miss her when you’re not hanging out.

Girl crush: Saturday nights just aren’t as fun without her. Sure, you can continue binge-watching your show but it won’t be the same without her and her (tipsy) commentary.

Actual crush: You can’t really seem to stay away. You say bye or goodnight at the end of your day, but a little while later, you’re texting her again. And you’ll look for any excuse to hang out. You’re open to anything. The more frequent, the better.

So, how did you do? If you found yourself agreeing more with the girl crush, then you just admire her. You want to be her and be her best friend at the same time. If you find yourself agreeing more with the actual crush, then I’d say you want to be on her. It might be time to test the waters to see if she might swing your way.

By Matty Silver

Some months ago a young woman came to see me who had just turned 18 – and had been questioning her sexual orientation for years. She had been attracted to girls since she was at high school, but she had had sex with both girls and boys. She now believed she preferred girls, but how could she be a lesbian when she had also slept with boys? Her friends told her she was bisexual, but she didn’t like to be labelled.

It is quite common for lesbians to first have relationships with men. Bisexuals are sexually and emotionally attracted to both men and women. If my client decides she prefers women and doesn’t find men attractive anymore, she can rule out being bisexual.

Issues of sexuality are at the core of Orange Is The New Black. Credit: Netflix

But is it that important to label yourself before you figure out your sexual orientation? And how do you know if you are a lesbian or not? Answering some simple questions may help:

  • Are your sexual feelings for women stronger than for men?
  • Do you prefer being kissed by a woman or a man?
  • Are you physically more attracted to women’s or men’s bodies?
  • Are your sexual fantasies about men or women?
  • Which sex would you like to settle down with in the future?

In 1948, US sex researcher Alfred Kinsey and some colleagues developed the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale – known as The Kinsey Scale – a seven-point scale, ranging from 0 to 6, with an additional category of “X”. The scale runs from exclusively heterosexual (0) to equally heterosexual and homosexual (3) to exclusively homosexual (6), with the X grade often described as asexuality.

The scale was not intended to account for individuals’ sexual identity (heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual) or designed to be a test or a quiz to determine one’s “true” sexual orientation. It allows for change and fluidity in individuals’ sexuality, and the researchers were aware that sexuality is not fixed or static from birth to death.

The scale is a method of self-evaluation based on one’s individual experience, and the number on the scale can shift as one’s sexuality develops. It’s quite common to be unsure, especially for some women who believe they are straight but sometimes, later in life, fall in love with a woman.

There is lots of information about what straight couples do in the bedroom in magazines, papers and the movies, but not much about girl-on-girl sex. Most lesbians find it really annoying to be asked what sort of sex they have, as in “what do they actually do?”.

For example “who is the male” in the relationship? This question shows how deeply ingrained gender roles are. Butch and femme are terms used to describe individual gender identities. Butch is usually defined as a lesbian who dresses and presents herself in a masculine way. Femme refers to feminine-looking lesbians, who may also be known as lipstick lesbians. Most people think of a lesbian as the stereotypical image of a butch lesbian with baggy pants and short hair.

One of my clients who identifies as a lipstick lesbian complained about the comments she receives when she tells people she is gay. They say, “you don’t look like a lesbian – you are too pretty to be a lesbian – it must be a phase”, and straight girls have asked her out to “experiment”, which she finds extremely infuriating.

So is there much difference between lesbian and heterosexual sex? The way lesbians have sex is as varied as straight couples; they also have all kinds of positions and roles can be switched. They may have toys, but these are no more a necessity for lesbians than they are for other couples. Interestingly, lesbian women are much more likely to orgasm during sexual activity than either straight or bisexual women.

Last year Autostraddle, one of the world’s most popular lesbian websites, conducted a study into the sex lives of lesbians, calling it The Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey. They questioned 8566 women, of whom 89 per cent were between 18 and 36. It’s a massive report, so I’ll break it down to the most interesting parts.

  • According to respondents, 77.8 per cent of lesbian women orgasm during sex, 36.8 per cent orgasm at least once, 20.6 per cent orgasm multiple times.
  • The majority of women have sex multiple times a week.
  • The survey found that 44 per cent of women masturbate multiple times a week.
  • Scissoring is not the most popular way gay women have sex.
  • The majority of sexual encounters last between 30 and 60 minutes.
  • Women in monogamous lesbian relationships have more orgasms.
  • Talking about sex leads to more orgasms and couples who orgasm more are also more satisfied with their sex lives.

In London, Nicola Chubb, founder of Mint events, runs high-end lesbian nightclubs and hosts popular social events across town. They are aimed at lesbian women with “refined tastes who want to dance until dawn, and meet like-minded females in a non-pretentious environment”. Chubb says she’s noticed a change of so-called “fluidity” going on in her clubs. Many straight girls who used to go out partying with gay men are now choosing to hang out with lesbians, realising they certainly know how to have fun.

Getting back to the question “How do you know you are a lesbian?” – when you find that mutual attraction and spark with someone, you will know.