When the new school year begins, the open-door policy seems like a great idea. You are able to meet new friends by leaving your door freely open for visitors to enter. As mid-terms begin to arise, you may begin to second guess that policy you initiated on move-in day. It seems difficult at times to tell your good friends and acquaintances on your floor that it is not the time to hang out and that you need to focus on studying. There are always those few people that you wish would leave your dorm, but they never seem to receive the hints and non-verbal cues you give them. It may seem rude to flat out say “get out,” so here are a few ways to discretely tell them that you want your room to be empty at the moment:
1. “These chips are sooooo good”
Everyone hates a loud chewer, especially when they are trying to focus on homework. If you purposefully smack your lips while eating your favorite chips, you might aggravate the person enough that they will leave.
2. “I’ve got to shower”
Once you leave the room, hopefully the person will understand it’s time for them to leave rather than sitting in your room alone. A good excuse to leave your room is to take a shower, which is awkward enough for the other person.
3. “I have tons of homework to do”
Unless the person is your “study buddy,” he or she will most likely leave the hangout zone when you bring up the HW word. Nothing kills the vibe more than saying you need to do work. If the person is someone you typically do homework with, hopefully another one of these ideas will help.
4. “It’s getting pretty late”
Some people may say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” If you are like me, however, you need a minimum number of sleep hours a night to function the next day. If this is you, this excuse if fairly easy to use because the other person will understand that you will be grouchy in the morning if he or she does not let you sleep.
5. “I think I’m getting sick”
Cough, cough. If you are feeling sick, it’s best to tell people in your room because college students HATE getting sick. Even if you aren’t sick, it’s a great way to get people screaming “ewww germs” as they run out of your room.
In most cases, you will want to send a certified letter to the house guest asking them to leave in 30 days. Even though the guest is not formally a tenant, certain principles of landlord-tenant law may apply.
Also, how do you politely kick someone out of your house? Method 2Asking People to Leave
- Make a joke out of the situation.
- Ask if you can get them anything else.
- Announce to guests that the party’s over.
- Tell roommates you need your own space.
- Explain to your houseguests that they’ve overstayed their welcome.
- Offer to help house guests find a new living situation.
In respect to this, can you ban someone from your house?
Your landlord may ban guests from coming to your premises depending on the terms of your lease. Even if the lease doesn’t have any provisions regarding guests, the landlord may still be able to ban guests from entering the premises if the guest is staying for an extended time or it is against state occupancy laws.
Can I call the police to kick someone out?
Call the police if they still refuse to leave. Some police offices will refuse to get involved in a matter like this. However, if you’ve sent the letter and/or filed for eviction with a court, they will come remove your guest as a trespasser.
Photo via Flickr
In one way, band members are like roommates — you share a space, financial responsibilities and trust that they will respect your stuff, or at least not screw with it too badly. But they’re also so much more, and kicking someone out is more like breaking up with a boyfriend/girlfriend you should have never moved in with. There is no easy way to do this, and every situation is different, but consider these steps when it’s time to make a change:
Make Sure the Rest of the Band Agrees
If there is nothing stopping your decision, then triple-check there is no band member on the fence or you risk bigger issues once this is taken care of. An ex-member may pick at someone sympathetic, trying to get back in or poisoning the well. If you have a new person joining, or are trying people out, it’s important that the band is fully supportive of the change or else that new member will be walking into an even more dysfunctional relationship.
Do it in Person
If you are serious about your band, then be an adult about the way the band functions. Unless you can’t stand to look at them, a face-to-face meeting is a necessity instead of some protracted group texting debacle.
Keep the Explanation to a Minimum
Again, if there is nothing stopping this, why air all your grievances? Even if they keep pushing for an explanation just say that it’s not working. They will likely have seen this coming anyway; you’re just ripping off the Band-Aid.
Be Gentle, not a Doormat
Depending on your relationship, you may have an ex-member who moves on quickly or quickly decides they hate you and your band. No one wants to be kicked while they’re down, so don’t deliver the news and then treat them like a busted guitar string. But you also don’t have to obey every demand, whether it’s about them supposedly being owed money, needing the van to move their gear or spontaneously realizing that they are the rightful owners of the PA. Be reasonable, but this isn’t a job and they are not owed a severance package.
Go do Amazing Things
They’re gone! Good job! Nothing should be holding you back now. Because if you’ve fretted about doing this for months, and it was a nightmare to pull the trigger, then something worthwhile better be on the horizon. If not, you’ll feel pretty lame spending all that time to kick someone out of a band that breaks up six months later.
November 2, 2010 in Fantasy Football Talk
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Ever had friends or family who somehow manage to turn a quick meeting into a four hour ordeal? It’s frustrating when you have things to do and people overstay their welcome, but getting rid of them isn’t always easy. Here are a few ways to do it without coming off as a jerk.
We all deal with someone who lingers too long. It might be the guy who stands at your desk after the conversation is over, the stranger who won’t leave you alone at the bar, or the in-laws who always seem to find a way to stay a little longer. To figure out how to deal with these people we talked with marriage and family therapist Roger Gil to come up with the best ways to politel ask someone to leave.
For Those You Know Will Linger: Put a Limit on the Conversation Time from the Start
The best way to get rid of someone who likes to overstay their welcome is to make sure it doesn’t happen to begin with. You can do this by setting up boundaries before the conversation starts. When you make plans with a serial-overstayer, mention that you have other things going on in the day. If you can’t do this, Gil also offers this suggestion:
If you’re out on the town and someone approaches you to talk, you can always say “I’m waiting for my friend” as soon as the person starts conversing with you. This also works great for house guests. When you invite them over, make sure you set an “ending time” to your social gathering.
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When you can it’s best to set up an ending time so you don’t need that awkward conversation. If you don’t have the opportunity to preempt the problem you can still get rid of people without saying a word. Photo by Hendra Willyanto .
Use Your Body Language to Convey that It’s Time to Go
The easiest way to get rid of someone is to show them it’s time to leave with a little body language. This way, you don’t have to go through the trouble of coming up with something to say. Gil has a simple set of different cues you can give off:
Doing things like packing up your papers or looking at your phone and commenting on how you told “person X” that you would be calling them “at around this time” are pretty overt ways of telling someone, “I need this conversation to end now”. Averting your gaze also breaks the conversation and causes most people to back away. For especially persistent people (e.g. pushy guys at the bar who don’t get the hint) a trip to the bathroom is often a subtle-yet-effective “get away from me” cue. Just be wary of the fact that some people may react negatively to this if they’ve had a drink or two.
Body language is a great way to convey a feeling without saying anything, but sometimes people don’t get the point and you need a more direct approach. Photo by Jellaluna .
One of the hardest things a manager has to do is to confront an underperforming employee. In fact, too many managers will avoid these kinds of situations and let it drag on. This can cause resentment from employees that perform, who have to take up the slack, which affects the overall performance of the team.
You can always fire an underperforming employee. However, it may not be the only option you have. Another option to firing an employee is to let them go, but help them grow as well. You may consider the choice of coaching them to quit.
Coach an Employee to Quit
To clarify this concept, it isn’t about making conditions so miserable that the employee chooses to leave on their own. This is humiliating for the employee and develops toxicity in the workplace that is hard to purge. Additionally, it does not help a person to realize their short-comings nor give them an attempt to work on them.
A business and an employee are partners, in that they both have something the other needs. Both need to contribute for there to be an effective partnership. Sometimes, people fail to realize that they are not contributing. They will continue to work in a position that they do not enjoy or have lost interest in, simply because they need the work. While this is understandable, it does not benefit the business.
Coaching someone out of a job is a way of helping an employee understand that it’s in their best interest to leave voluntarily. This approach can give them another opportunity to be successful. It gives them the option to find another role, without the stigma of being fired, that’s a better fit for their skills and talents.
This approach isn’t the best option for every situation. It shouldn’t be used for flagrant violations of company policy (i.e., theft, violence, cheating, etc.). Coaching should be used as an alternative for firing an employee who has potential elsewhere.
The steps required to coach an employee out of a job are very similar to the steps required to have a disciplinary discussion. You still need to gather evidence, document the poor performance, and be prepared to give examples for a strong case to convince the employee to move on.
Talk to Human Resources (HR)
You’ll want to inform HR if you have one. Letting them know what you are planning is important. They can begin preparations for a new hire, and you may need some guidance to ensure you’re not breaking any laws or breaching contracts. If you do not have an HR, you may want to consider talking to a consultant if you do not feel confident you know the laws and procedures.
If you can’t convince the employee to leave on their own, then you’ll need to prepare to fire them.
Describe the Expectations and Performance
If you have not addressed the issue with the employee before, then you should take steps to address the issues before considering other options. Start the discussion by laying out the performance expectations and standards, and explain how the employee is not meeting those expectations. Once you have done that you could outline a plan of action for them to take.
Give the employee some options:
- They could resign now, or in the near future (after having a couple of days to think about it)
- They could look for another position. The amount of time you give an employee to do this depends on many factors, including the length of service, the attitude of the employee, and the strength of the relationship. Whatever you decide, it’s important to establish a deadline, and let them know you still expect them to work until the deadline is up
- If they choose not to resign or look for another position, you should let them know you have no choice but to begin the disciplinary process immediately
Firing an employee is difficult when there is a family depending on them. This method provides an employee that doesn’t fit anymore a chance to improve their situation and not affect their family. The manager or owner, in turn, knows that they are doing everything they can for the person and their family.
It is important for an owner to feel this way because firing someone can lead a family to lose the only source of income it has. This could possibly cause guilt for the person doing the firing. If you have done everything you can, then you should not feel any remorse when letting someone go.
But since I don’t think Rosie will forever preside over my social choices at my place of living, I’d be wise to learn some go-to methods for knowing how to kick someone out of your house. As an initial point of research, I crowdsourced my coworkers for ideas—and they offered some pretty stellar ones:
“I just get up and start doing the dishes, or I say something like, ‘Don’t worry about the dishes! I got them.’ Alternatively, I will go to the bathroom, get my toothbrush, and start brushing my teeth or getting ready for bed. You have to know the people who are over pretty well for this second method to not be so weird, though.”
“I say something like ‘I have a 6 a.m. workout class tomorrow—bedtime for this bitch.’ OR ‘Okay, guys, this is the time that I turn into a pumpkin, time to go’…aka I’m just very honest.
“I just yawn. It’s contagious, so you can actually will your guests to think they’re tired. It’s like physiological inception”
“A friend of mine from college kept to a strict 10:30 p.m. bedtime and would literally kick you out if you were in her room past 10 p.m. She’d shout ‘Oh my God, it’s bedtime you gotta leave!’ And that works even if you’re secretly a night owl. Just make sure you’re not active on social media or anything as soon as your guests leave.”
All of those are great sources of inspiration, but are any the correct, totally polite answer to how to kick someone out of your house when just can’t (or don’t want) to hang anymore? To direct those answers, etiquette expert Lisa Orr has tips for handling this oh-so common social issue. “Every host has been in the situation where their guests missed the memo of the party being over,” she says. “And, to be clear, when you’re the host you don’t need a reason for it.” Below, find Orr’s three-step guide for how to kick someone out of your house when the party’s definitely over.
1. Turn off the music
Depending on how late it’s getting in my apartment and whether it’s me or my roommate controlling the tunes, this is either a carefully curated playlist that I’ve spent five months working on or a “Summer Jams of the ’90s” Spotify list. Whatever your poison though, press pause. “Turning the music off sends clueless guests the clear message that the party is over,” Orr says.
2. Turn all the lights up to full bright
“No one enjoys the power of full lighting, and it’s the fastest way to get people moving,” Orr says. Not convinced? Consider how closing time at a bar looks, with the bartender trying to essentially blind patrons into leaving by, yep, stopping the music and turning up the lights.
3. Make an announcement
The most polite mode of operation is to set your boundary, and be direct. “Thank your guests for attending, but let them know that it’s time to head home,” says Orr. “The most important thing to remember when you’re hosting is that it’s up to you to set the boundaries. Otherwise, guests will stay as late as they can get away with to continue enjoying your hospitality.”
So be polite, be firm, and…oh, um. 10 p.m. Gotta go!
BTW, if you need any advice on how to tell people you’d rather not “catch up,” we have a few scripts for you. And one introvert shares why reading a book is her go-to party move.
The old adage still rings true: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”
Though having friends and family at your house may be fun at first, it can quickly sour once they’ve worn out their welcome. Your desire to have your living space all to yourself again and get back into your normal routine is perfectly reasonable.
So how do you broach this uncomfortable situation without coming off as a rude host? We asked an etiquette expert and a therapist to weigh in.
Ideally, solidify the details before — not during — the visit.
“Having a houseguest can be a positive experience for all involved, providing both are considerate and that the parameters are established right up front,” etiquette expert Thomas P. Farley, aka Mister Manners, told HuffPost
That means, hopefully, you and your houseguests will agree upon the dates and duration of their visit and other pertinent details prior to their arrival.
“Open-ended visits are problematic and can be trying for even the most gracious of hosts,” Farley said. “Be upfront about what you can and cannot accommodate in terms of where in your home the guests will be staying, what your availability will be for them while they’re there and the use of your vehicle.”
Direct conversations like these can be a bit awkward, especially for people-pleasers, but “it’s much better to choose short-term discomfort over long-term resentment,” clinical psychologist Nicole Cook told Stuff.co.nz.
If it’s too late for that, start dropping hints now.
So you made the mistake of not hammering out the details before your guests’ visit and now you feel like a prisoner in your own home. What can you do now? Start dropping some subtle hints that the visit is winding down; hopefully your guests will catch on.
For example, say, “It has been so lovely having you stay with us,” Farley suggested.
“Open-ended visits are problematic and can be trying for even the most gracious of hosts.”
If your guests don’t seem to be getting the message, a little white lie may be necessary.
“More drastic measures, such as the pending arrival of another houseguest — real or imaginary — may be required to usher the guest along,” Farley said.
Next time, set clearer boundaries from the start.
Establishing healthy boundaries with loved ones is essential. That means they should ask your permission to stay with you, not just assume they can. Make it clear that you need advanced notice, too — no last-minute surprise visits. And if the dates they suggest don’t work for you, say so.
“If family want to stay, and you have other family members nearby, ask them to take some of the burden of houseguests,” said psychotherapist Tina Tessina, author of “It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction.” “You are not a hotel. They are not paying for the room. You don’t have to be gracious if the stay is inconvenient.”
During a visit, encourage houseguests to do some stuff on their own. Let them know they’re welcome to grab a snack when they’re hungry, make themselves a cup of coffee or leave the house when they please. It empowers them to be self-sufficient — and you get a breather, too.
“You are not a hotel. They are not paying for the room. You don’t have to be gracious if the stay is inconvenient.”
“The more you enable them to feel enabled — whether to use the stove to make breakfast or to head to the local museum to take in an exhibit — the happier you both will be and the greater your chances of emerging from their stay-with-you-cation with your friendship fully intact,” Farley said.