How to discuss sex with your child

How to discuss sex with your child

In most Indian families, any conversation about sex is a disturbing taboo. As a result, most teens grow up without adequate sex education, leading them to accept facts or consult sources of unreliable information. Providing children with a medium and an open forum where they can speak freely and ask questions can make a big difference and thus be better informed. Parents can afford to have short conversations that will normalize their child’s views and information about sex. We have several topics that can provide you with a dynamic start to continue the conversation until your child is comfortable and confident in knowledge. Exercise will help create a conscious and safe environment for your baby.

Start with the obvious: talking birds and bees

The first step in sex education should be to tell children that communication is essential, as is consent. A person can and should be able to choose a partner for independent reasons, not under duress. Teenagers should be aware that everything has limits and that they must be respected. The child should feel safe, making him aware of his rights and harm to her.

In a society where heterosexual representation is abundant and LGBTQIA + representation can hardly be called that, it’s important for sensitive minds to understand from their parents that such relationships exist and it’s okay to be in one. Conversations about sexuality can be overwhelming due to the broad spectrum it represents, but having the basic knowledge that it’s okay to feel a certain way for any gender or experience should be standardized.

Menstrual stigma is the longest and the time has come to take steps to overcome it. Although menstruation is something we (mostly girls) learn in class, many teens hesitate to voice their questions and concerns. At home, your child is free to ask questions and will feel more comfortable asking questions. Over the years, the availability of vintage products has increased and has made useful changes. Girls should be encouraged to discover their choices and to use what suits them best. Boys should be made aware of the causes and conditions and taught to be considerate and helpful with girls in this regard.

How to talk to children;
The advice of psychologists,
teenagers and more.

Matti Gershenfeld and Timothy J. Hollis published December 31, 1969 – last revision June 9, 2016

Ad hoc faculty consultancy on complex issues of heart, mind, body and soul.

Q: DO YOU SUSPECT YOUR 16 YEAR OLD IS HAVING SEX. WHAT TO SAY OR DO?

I think the first thing you need to do is ask yourself what the evidence is? Have you noticed that your baby is stroking himself? Did your daughter come to see you asking about your gynecologist? A boy, girl, or child asking you questions about sex is not enough evidence that you, as a parent, are asking your child questions.

If you have enough evidence to believe your child is sexually active, there are a few rules to keep in mind: Look your child in the eye and talk, don’t yell at them. If you feel embarrassed talking about sex, practice in front of the mirror first. One of the worst things you can do is tell them you can’t handle the situation.

It may be time to talk about real choices, such as what type of contraceptive they will use. It is also time to let them know that you are dissatisfied with their decision to have sex and encourage them to wait. There is a possibility that a child who has sex at the age of 16 could get hurt.

– Dr. Matti Geshenfeld

President of Learning at par

Philadelphia Center, Pennsylvania

Sixteen is too late! Children need parents to talk to them openly and honestly from an early age. This is not a pre-AIDS society that can pretend to be separate from the rest of the world. Children need to feel comfortable with themselves and their sexuality before practicing them.

Teenagers are the fastest growing AIDS risk group. We need to face our fears of AIDS and stop projecting them onto our children. Their lives are at stake.

Children should be lovingly approached and educated on the good and bad sides of human sexuality. They need to know what the responsibilities of sexual intercourse are before they can have children themselves. We all know it’s a different world. We must face it with the utmost courage and honesty.

Timothy J. Hollis

I’d plant them and have a nice heart to heart. First, I will discuss the physical threats. Then I talked about emotional risk, like what they think the relationship is. I’ll also talk about contraception, because even if I want them to wait, it’s better to be safe than sorry

I know children because I am a child and I know that if they want to have sex, they will. But most of all, I would like to let them know that I would love them, no matter what they did.

P. S. Don’t lecture. Lessons are silly and when taught, children usually do the opposite!

Kathryn Christensen, 16

Apple Valley, New Mexico

I would say I was hoping it was planned, coherent, non-exploitable and protected. I’m sorry you didn’t wait to be older, more self-confident, wiser. I would tell him that I hope that now and then his love affairs are characterized by mutual respect, care and kindness. and who talked about it and thought about it.

Jane M. Johnson, Ministry of the Interior

Federation of America

It’s important to talk to your kids regularly about sexuality – which involves much more than reproductive biology – well before puberty. These discussions should reflect the child’s level of maturity and include issues of responsibility, because we don’t force people to do things against their will, contraception and the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases. This makes it easier for teens to talk about their sexual feelings.

If I had suspected that my 16-year-old son was sexually active, I would have dealt with some issues we have talked about in the past. Do they use condoms and a different form of birth control every time? Do any of them feel used or manipulated? What do they want from a relationship? What will they do if they become pregnant? How else could they express their feelings for each other?

– Dr. Lawrence Kutner

School, Cambridge, MA

Use a condom and don’t mess up your shoes.

Editor-in-chief, tricycle:

Buddhist review

First, parents shouldn’t hesitate to give their child their opinion on the matter. You cannot control your child’s behavior, but you have the right to express your thoughts on what he does. And while your daughter or son may not ask you directly, he or she may need and want your guidance and benefit from your experience. The most important thing is to present what you have to say in the right way. Możesz powiedzieć: „Zawsze miałem nadzieję, że przed seksem poczekasz, aż będziesz starsza i w opiekuńczym, zaangażowanym związku” (jeśli tak się czujesz) lub „Zawsze miałem nadzieję, że będziesz stosując antykoncepcję podczas uprawiania seksu”. This approach is especially appropriate if you are unsure whether your baby is actually having sex. It is non-accusatory and non-confrontational.

If you are sure that your child is having sex, whether or not you consent, it is important to overcome your feelings and make sure he understands the importance of being responsible for enforcing birth control and STD protection. . While it is disappointing that your baby can do something against your wishes, it is much sadder to contend with an unwanted pregnancy or an incurable disease.

If I had suspected my 16-year-old son was having sex, I would have reminded him that he was responsible for his actions. I would like to talk to them about the importance of using a condom with another form of contraception to prevent illness and pregnancy. I would also explain that their actions could affect a third party if they get pregnant and ask if they are prepared for it.

Finally, I would like to make it clear that they shouldn’t put pressure on anyone or feel pressured into having sex. And if they have any questions or messages to convey, I’ll let them know I’m available.

Talking to children about sexually transmitted diseases

It is important for parents to tell their children and adolescents about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Your children need to understand how sexually transmitted diseases spread and how to protect themselves.

What are sexually transmitted diseases?

Sexually transmitted diseases (also called sexually transmitted infections or sexually transmitted diseases) are infections that are spread through sex (vaginal, oral, or anal sex). Alcune malattie sessualmente trasmissibili possono diffondersi attraverso uno stretto contatto con i genitali o i fluidi corporei.

Does talking about sex and STDs make teens more likely to have sex?

Talking to children and teens about sex and sexually transmitted diseases does not increase the likelihood of them having sex. But if they become sexually active, they will understand the risks and know how to protect themselves.

When should I talk to my children about sexually transmitted diseases?

A conversation about sexually transmitted diseases and other personal topics like sex and puberty shouldn’t be a big conversation at a certain age. Instead, start the conversation early and slowly build on your child’s understanding. By the age of 10-13, most children understand sex and are ready to learn about sexually transmitted diseases.

But even if your baby is older and you haven’t started talking about sexually transmitted diseases yet, it’s not too late to talk. It is better to talk late than not to talk.

How do you raise the issue of sexually transmitted diseases?

Sometimes it can be difficult to find the right time to talk about sexually transmitted diseases. A good time to start a conversation can be:

  • if your child asks about sex
  • during a TV show or movie that shows a romantic relationship. You might ask, “What things do people have to think about in a relationship?”
  • when your baby has the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine. You can say, “This shot protects you from a type of sexually transmitted disease. Do you know what a sexually transmitted disease is?”

What should I talk about?

Talk about the types of sexually transmitted diseases:

Discuss these key points:

  • Sexually transmitted diseases are mainly spread through sex. Ma alcune malattie sessualmente trasmissibili possono diffondersi attraverso uno stretto contatto con i genitali o i fluidi corporei di qualcun altro.
  • The best way to prevent STDs altogether is to give up sex (oral, vaginal, or anal sex). If someone decides to have sex, using a latex condom every time can prevent most sexually transmitted diseases.
  • Some people with STDs experience vaginal or penile discharge or sores in the genital area.
  • Some people with a sexually transmitted disease haveno signs or symptoms. Even then, a person can pass the infection on to a sexual partner.
  • If someone has a sexually transmitted disease and it’s not treated, it can lead to health problems like prolonged pain and problems with later pregnancy.
  • Antibiotics can treat some sexually transmitted diseases (such as chlamydia and gonorrhea). But some sexually transmitted diseases (like herpes or HIV) don’t have a cure.
  • You can contract a sexually transmitted disease from the very first intercourse.

Where can we learn more about sexually transmitted diseases?

You can get reliable information on sexually transmitted diseases at:

  • Teenage health. organization
  • Your doctor’s office
  • organizationanizations like Planned Parenthood
  • school nurse or school counselor

What if i have trouble talking to my kids about sexually transmitted diseases?

If you feel uncomfortable talking to your children about sexually transmitted diseases, make sure they can ask someone else for accurate information. It could be a doctor or psychologist, school nurse, teacher, or trusted family member.

Children and adolescents need to know about sexually transmitted diseases. Ideally, they should get the facts from someone who is trustworthy.

What to do if you haven’t done this for a long time

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, AARP |Comments:0

Did your relationship end up in a sexual wasteland? Maybe the two of you went through a tough time (often due to health anxiety) and stopped making love. Then – even if you never imagined the prevailing climate could become a dry season – the desert began to seem too vast to cross. So how do you end the drought?

How to discuss sex with your child

The first step to regain physical intimacy with your partner? Take some time to talk about it.

As a professional sex researcher and relationship coach, I have heard many people who don’t want to discuss it with their partner because they are afraid of rejection. For example, a man in his 60s told me that her wife turns her back on her as soon as she gets in the sheets – the clear message is, “Don’t even think about it.” A couple in their fifties revealed that they hadn’t slept together for 11 years; first they had an operation, then they had marital problems and soon their sex life became history, not actuality. And don’t think the disappointment fades with the decades: an 80-year-old man revealed his sadness that his wife stopped wanting sex.

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Suspension of sex may not be unusual for a couple, but rarely are both members willing to say goodbye to the practice forever. At least one partner probably feels betrayed or even betrayed; Wasn’t sex supposed to be part of this whole “til death do us part” deal?

Ending sexual drought can be difficult, but not impossible. If the situation is serious, contact your therapist – a trained professional can explain why the sex is over and what may be needed to resume it. Lei o lui può aiutare qualsiasi partner a lasciar andare le paure o i traumi che potrebbero trattenere il sesso. Equally helpful, the therapist can prescribe exercises to slowly restore physical contact, an approach I recommend. (Qualified therapists can be found through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.)

If you’d rather not involve a therapist, try this step-by-step method:

Make an appointment to chat. Ask your partner to set aside time to talk about your sex life (or lack thereof). If your partner objects, you may have to push. “It is not optional”, you can indicate. “I would do something so important to you if you asked me.” Unless your relationship is in tatters on all fronts, this should give you permission to discuss it. If you have any health problems – possibly a sick hip or heart attack – be sure to see your doctor for a checkup (and most likely some reassurance).

Get in touch. Hold hands during this discussion. You’ll find the physical connection calming: It forganizationes a bond that mere words cannot.

Relax. Start a conversation in pleasant, loving language. Say how much you love your partner, how attractive he is, how much you look forward to touching him (and being touched). He explains that you want to start with a hug followed by a massage. A little cuddle should be an easy first step for both parties.

Try non-sexual massage. Experiment with “sensual focus” – a Masters and Johnson technique in which one partner gently strokes the other’s naked body, front and back, while each person learns to touch and be touched again. When you change the pressure of your touch, you give and receive feedback on what is good; however, don’t try to arouse the other person by touching your genitals. Instead, the goal is a sensual experience that creates trust (and comfort through physical interaction). Do as many sessions as you need to feel comfortable and want more.

Clear decks for action. You may need to purchase a vaginal lubricant or lotion to repair the tissues. You may need to see a doctor about erection problems or medications. There are more solutions to physical problems than you can imagine.

Go to the train station. Flirta con te stesso durante il giorno o a cena. Say nice things about exercises to focus on your senses. Turn on the music. Get dressed. Have a glass of something festive. Create a positive mood.

Aim down. When you feel ready to love, take the stress out by lowering your expectations. Assure one another that this is just a start — the encounter need not include intercourse or organizationasms. Agree that the main event is again to please you. Then let yourself pass through the desert that separates you.

Do this until you are satisfied.Now comes the fun part: practice what you’ve learned and don’t wait too long to make love again!

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How to discuss sex with your child

  • Because it is happening
  • What to do

Because it is happening

Young children masturbate for the same reason as older children (and adults) – it’s cool! Exploring the body is part of growth.

Your child learns to run, jump, throw, swing, draw and (possibly) use the toilet regularly. She may be as curious about her genitals as her fingers, toes, and navel – and if she’s recently changed into panties, she may be able to get in for the first time.

“When parents first see this kind of research, they wonder if it’s normal?” Says Meg Zweiback, a nurse and family counselor from Oakland, California. “The answer is yes. You don’t have to worry.”

What to do

Don’t panic. Masturbation is a perfectly normal thing. It does not cause physical harm, does not pose a health risk, nor does it mean that your child will turn into a sex maniac. Masturbating in young children is not sexual (as it is in adults) because young children don’t know what sex is.

And while overt sexual play in older children is often an indication of sexual abuse or exposure to inappropriate sexual material, that is very unlikely to be the case with young children. They simply have no imagination for this type of behavior. (A young child who has been sexually abused is more likely to withdraw or suddenly find it difficult to sleep.)

Detto questo, i bambini piccoli si masturbano perché è divertente e i buoni sentimenti possono essere tanto piacevoli per lei quanto per gli adulti. “A child may masturbate herself to organizationasm,” says Zweiback “complete with panting, red face, and a big sigh at the end. But it’s absolutely not something to be worried about.”

Of course, like everything else when it comes to masturbation, too many good things could indicate a problem. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, if your child masturbates constantly or excessively, it could indicate that he is feeling restless, emotionally overwhelmed, or not paying enough attention to him or her at home. If you think this may be the case, consult your doctor for advice.

Ignore him. You may have already told your child that some parts of him or her are private and that only she, her parents or the doctor can touch them. Many parents are trying to explain privacy to their children as a way to prevent sexual abuse and it seems logical to extend this concept to masturbation. But it may not sink into your baby.

“Privacy means nothing to children under three,” says Meg Zweiback. “It’s not a meaningful concept.” She adds: “A child of this age naturally wants to push buttons, so if she starts paying attention to them, you’ll probably get her to do more.” It’s best to look away or engage in distracting activities.

Distract her. Even if you know this is normal and many children do, you will probably still be embarrassed if your child starts masturbating in company. If you can’t ignore it or laugh at it, distraction is your best bet. Masturbating is a lot like touching your nose – she does it because she’s bored, her hands are free, and she can do it.

If your baby’s hands wander to the groin at inappropriate times (in front of the in-laws, for example), keep a toy nearby to give it to him. Invite her to solve puzzles, play with blocks, or throw a ball, anything with her hands out of her pants.

Lookti. Parental reactions to masturbation may pose the greatest risk to children. If your child feels guilty about exploring his own body or feels dirty or rude about what he is doing, he may associate sexual or pleasurable feelings with guilt and shame.

"If a parent really cares," says Zweiback, "it talks more about what a parent has learned growing up than about a child. Wiele osób dorasta z sprzecznymi uczuciami dotyczącymi seksu i znajduje miejsce, w którym można omówienie tych uczuć z innymił dorosł ci poradzić sobie z tymi problemami teraz iw przyszłości ”.

Adult children and older parents should have a thorough discussion, from privacy issues to separation of responsibilities, before joining the family.

EDITORIAL: This article was originally published in the November issueKiplinger’s Retirement Report.To sign up, click here.

When Mike Repak’s father was ill, neighbors checked in on his mother, Marie, at her home in Rochelle Park, N. J. She had mild dementia and needed rides to get around. After the death of Repak’s father, Repak, a real estate planning attorney, and his wife, Debra, a teacher, they considered moving Marie, 88, to a nearby nursing facility.

Ma la coppia ha deciso che volevano che lei vivesse con loro e i loro due adolescenti. “With no dad around, it would be a great fit for her,” says Repak, 53. “We wanted her to feel part of the family.”

The Repaks built an addition to their home in Churchville, Pennsylvania with a living room, bedroom, and bathroom. The couple and the children often dined with Marie in her living room. “It was great that our children saw that families could take care of their members,” says Repak, whose mother spent the last two years of her life with them. The couple hired a housekeeper to prepare her meals and took her to medical appointments while they were at work.

The 20 boomerang boys returning home seem to be making headlines. Another trend is less recognized: seniors move in with adult children and even grandchildren. According to the Pew Research Center, 20 percent of those aged 65 and over lived in a multi-generation household in 2008, up from 17 percent in 1990.

Connecting families can be a positive experience for everyone. The family can bond while playing and eating. “Look at this as an opportunity,” says Amy Goyer, AARP’s family expert. “You have the option to enjoy your mother or father in later years. It’s how children get to know their grandparents in ways they otherwise couldn’t. “

But before living with your adult son or daughter, you need to decide whether you will feel comfortable living in someone else’s home. You will no longer rule the roost like you did when your child was a toddler. “Do you get along? You can love someone, but do you like them?” says Sharon Graham Niederhaus, co-author of the book Together again: a creative guide to a successful multigenerational life (M. Evans & Co., $17).

Imagine your daily life with grandchildren, or perhaps pets. “If you are intolerant to noise, do you want to move home with your children or teenagers?” says Jennifer Prell, president of Silver Connections, a network of seniors in Cary, Illinois.

In the meantime, the adult child must be prepared to waste the time, energy and possibly money that may be associated with moving one or two parents. The new deal could also put a strain on your marriage. And if a parent needs to be cared for, you need to be realistic about what that means. “Families generally underestimate the amount of care Mom will need,” said Kerry Peck, a senior attorney in Chicago. “Even if mom moves relatively well, things can change overnight.”

Discuss all problems

Before making a decision, both generations should discuss everything from privacy concerns to separation of responsibilities. Sit down and ask, Goyer says, “What are everyone’s expectations? What are you uncomfortable with? ”When the families are reunited, meet regularly to raise any concerns.

If Mom likes to cook but her son-in-law runs the kitchen, maybe she can cook on weekdays while he cooks on weekends. Maybe Dad has a TV in his room so adult children – or teenagers – can use the family room to watch their favorite shows. Perhaps you prefer a light meal at 5 p. m., while your daughter-in-law and son eat a big dinner at 7 p. m. In that case, plan to eat one meal together each week.

An adult child must set limits. For example, can a grandfather tell a teenage son to turn off the TV and do his homework? What if your teenage son talks to his grandfather?

Even the oldest parent needs to set limits. Maybe grandma is happy to take care of the baby once a week, but she doesn’t want to be grandma’s nanny. And she is likely to make friends or find a close mate. “Grandma may not move and start knitting,” said Donna Butts, executive director of Generations United, a member group. “She may want to dance or have a friend.” You consider creating a private entrance. Or maybe Mom can schedule her bridge games while the kids are at school.

Until November 2009, Laurel Files, 71, lived in a condo in Chapel Hill, N. C., about a ten-minute drive from her older daughter, son-in-law and their two young children in Durham. When the family was thinking of buying a house bigger than her, her son-in-law asked her to buy it with them.

In November 2009, Files and her 17-year-old adopted daughter moved into the family. “My only requirement was that I have to live on the ground floor so I don’t have to run up the stairs,” she says. She has a main apartment and her own bathroom.

A busy family and Files, a professor at the University of North Carolina, often go their separate ways. They eat many meals together and she attends the weekly family movie night.

When Files underwent hip replacement surgery in June and was unable to drive for six weeks, family members shopped for her. “She confirmed it was a good decision,” she says.

The family shares the responsibilities by doing whatever needs to be done. Files’ eldest daughter, 43, does most of the laundry, but Files offers help. “I say sometimes I feel like I’m in your house and she says sometimes I feel like I’m in your house,” says Files.

Files’ grandchildren, ages 7 and 10, will drive scooters to and from his room. “It’s like living in a Toys” R “Noi annex, says Files. He notes it’s usually neat,” but that’s the change I wanted to make. “

Hit the money problem. “Have a candid conversation with Mom or Dad,” says Thomas Scanlon, a certified public accountant at Borganizationida & Company, in Manchester, Conn. “Am I able to support themselves? Or will the child have to subsidize some of their expenses?”

The parent who sold the home is likely to be able to pay the bills. Together, you should agree on a fair amount a parent has to pay for meals, utilities, cable and phone bills, and even a household allowance. “It makes the parent feel less of an intruder than a partner in space,” said Ronald Fatoullah, a senior New York attorney.

The file, your daughter and son-in-law put all their names on the deed and the mortgage. His daughter takes care of the bills and Files pays half of everything. The one area they don’t track is grocery shopping. “I shop sometimes. Sometimes they do the shopping, ”says Files.

Another issue is considering what to do with your parents’ furniture and other personal belongings. “If the elder moves into his son or daughter’s home and tries to get hold of it with his possessions, there will be a problem,” Prell says. The parent should consider keeping their belongings for a six-month probationary period with an adult child.

How to discuss sex with your child

  • Because it is happening
  • What to do

Because it is happening

Young children masturbate for the same reason as older children (and adults) – it’s cool! Exploring the body is part of growth.

Your child learns to run, jump, throw, swing, draw and (possibly) use the toilet regularly. She may be as curious about her genitals as her fingers, toes, and navel – and if she’s recently changed into panties, she may be able to get in for the first time.

“When parents first see this kind of research, they wonder if it’s normal?” Says Meg Zweiback, a nurse and family counselor from Oakland, California. “The answer is yes. You don’t have to worry.”

What to do

Don’t panic. Masturbation is a perfectly normal thing. It does not cause physical harm, does not pose a health risk, nor does it mean that your child will turn into a sex maniac. Masturbating in young children is not sexual (as it is in adults) because young children don’t know what sex is.

And while overt sexual play in older children is often an indication of sexual abuse or exposure to inappropriate sexual material, that is very unlikely to be the case with young children. They simply have no imagination for this type of behavior. (A young child who has been sexually abused is more likely to withdraw or suddenly find it difficult to sleep.)

Detto questo, i bambini piccoli si masturbano perché è divertente e i buoni sentimenti possono essere tanto piacevoli per lei quanto per gli adulti. “A child may masturbate herself to organizationasm,” says Zweiback “complete with panting, red face, and a big sigh at the end. But it’s absolutely not something to be worried about.”

Of course, like everything else when it comes to masturbation, too many good things could indicate a problem. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, if your child masturbates constantly or excessively, it could indicate that he is feeling restless, emotionally overwhelmed, or not paying enough attention to him or her at home. If you think this may be the case, consult your doctor for advice.

Ignore him. You may have already told your child that some parts of him or her are private and that only she, her parents or the doctor can touch them. Many parents are trying to explain privacy to their children as a way to prevent sexual abuse and it seems logical to extend this concept to masturbation. But it may not sink into your baby.

“Privacy means nothing to children under three,” says Meg Zweiback. “It’s not a meaningful concept.” She adds: “A child of this age naturally wants to push buttons, so if she starts paying attention to them, you’ll probably get her to do more.” It’s best to look away or engage in distracting activities.

Distract her. Even if you know this is normal and many children do, you will probably still be embarrassed if your child starts masturbating in company. If you can’t ignore it or laugh at it, distraction is your best bet. Masturbating is a lot like touching your nose – she does it because she’s bored, her hands are free, and she can do it.

If your baby’s hands wander to the groin at inappropriate times (in front of the in-laws, for example), keep a toy nearby to give it to him. Invite her to solve puzzles, play with blocks, or throw a ball, anything with her hands out of her pants.

Lookti. Parental reactions to masturbation may pose the greatest risk to children. If your child feels guilty about exploring his own body or feels dirty or rude about what he is doing, he may associate sexual or pleasurable feelings with guilt and shame.

"If a parent really cares," says Zweiback, "it talks more about what a parent has learned growing up than about a child. Wiele osób dorasta z sprzecznymi uczuciami dotyczącymi seksu i znajduje miejsce, w którym można omówienie tych uczuć z innymił dorosł ci poradzić sobie z tymi problemami teraz iw przyszłości ”.

Adult children and older parents should have a thorough discussion, from privacy issues to separation of responsibilities, before joining the family.

EDITORIAL: This article was originally published in the November issueKiplinger’s Retirement Report.To sign up, click here.

When Mike Repak’s father was ill, neighbors checked in on his mother, Marie, at her home in Rochelle Park, N. J. She had mild dementia and needed rides to get around. After the death of Repak’s father, Repak, a real estate planning attorney, and his wife, Debra, a teacher, they considered moving Marie, 88, to a nearby nursing facility.

Ma la coppia ha deciso che volevano che lei vivesse con loro e i loro due adolescenti. “With no dad around, it would be a great fit for her,” says Repak, 53. “We wanted her to feel part of the family.”

The Repaks built an addition to their home in Churchville, Pennsylvania with a living room, bedroom, and bathroom. The couple and the children often dined with Marie in her living room. “It was great that our children saw that families could take care of their members,” says Repak, whose mother spent the last two years of her life with them. The couple hired a housekeeper to prepare her meals and took her to medical appointments while they were at work.

The 20 boomerang boys returning home seem to be making headlines. Another trend is less recognized: seniors move in with adult children and even grandchildren. According to the Pew Research Center, 20 percent of those aged 65 and over lived in a multi-generation household in 2008, up from 17 percent in 1990.

Connecting families can be a positive experience for everyone. The family can bond while playing and eating. “Look at this as an opportunity,” says Amy Goyer, AARP’s family expert. “You have the option to enjoy your mother or father in later years. It’s how children get to know their grandparents in ways they otherwise couldn’t. “

But before living with your adult son or daughter, you need to decide whether you will feel comfortable living in someone else’s home. You will no longer rule the roost like you did when your child was a toddler. “Do you get along? You can love someone, but do you like them?” says Sharon Graham Niederhaus, co-author of the book Together again: a creative guide to a successful multigenerational life (M. Evans & Co., $17).

Imagine your daily life with grandchildren, or perhaps pets. “If you are intolerant to noise, do you want to move home with your children or teenagers?” says Jennifer Prell, president of Silver Connections, a network of seniors in Cary, Illinois.

In the meantime, the adult child must be prepared to waste the time, energy and possibly money that may be associated with moving one or two parents. The new deal could also put a strain on your marriage. And if a parent needs to be cared for, you need to be realistic about what that means. “Families generally underestimate the amount of care Mom will need,” said Kerry Peck, a senior attorney in Chicago. “Even if mom moves relatively well, things can change overnight.”

Discuss all problems

Before making a decision, both generations should discuss everything from privacy concerns to separation of responsibilities. Sit down and ask, Goyer says, “What are everyone’s expectations? What are you uncomfortable with? ”When the families are reunited, meet regularly to raise any concerns.

If Mom likes to cook but her son-in-law runs the kitchen, maybe she can cook on weekdays while he cooks on weekends. Maybe Dad has a TV in his room so adult children – or teenagers – can use the family room to watch their favorite shows. Perhaps you prefer a light meal at 5 p. m., while your daughter-in-law and son eat a big dinner at 7 p. m. In that case, plan to eat one meal together each week.

An adult child must set limits. For example, can a grandfather tell a teenage son to turn off the TV and do his homework? What if your teenage son talks to his grandfather?

Even the oldest parent needs to set limits. Maybe grandma is happy to take care of the baby once a week, but she doesn’t want to be grandma’s nanny. And she is likely to make friends or find a close mate. “Grandma may not move and start knitting,” said Donna Butts, executive director of Generations United, a member group. “She may want to dance or have a friend.” You consider creating a private entrance. Or maybe Mom can schedule her bridge games while the kids are at school.

Until November 2009, Laurel Files, 71, lived in a condo in Chapel Hill, N. C., about a ten-minute drive from her older daughter, son-in-law and their two young children in Durham. When the family was thinking of buying a house bigger than her, her son-in-law asked her to buy it with them.

In November 2009, Files and her 17-year-old adopted daughter moved into the family. “My only requirement was that I have to live on the ground floor so I don’t have to run up the stairs,” she says. She has a main apartment and her own bathroom.

A busy family and Files, a professor at the University of North Carolina, often go their separate ways. They eat many meals together and she attends the weekly family movie night.

When Files underwent hip replacement surgery in June and was unable to drive for six weeks, family members shopped for her. “She confirmed it was a good decision,” she says.

The family shares the responsibilities by doing whatever needs to be done. Files’ eldest daughter, 43, does most of the laundry, but Files offers help. “I say sometimes I feel like I’m in your house and she says sometimes I feel like I’m in your house,” says Files.

Files’ grandchildren, ages 7 and 10, will drive scooters to and from his room. “It’s like living in a Toys” R “Noi annex, says Files. He notes it’s usually neat,” but that’s the change I wanted to make. “

Hit the money problem. “Have a candid conversation with Mom or Dad,” says Thomas Scanlon, a certified public accountant at Borganizationida & Company, in Manchester, Conn. “Am I able to support themselves? Or will the child have to subsidize some of their expenses?”

The parent who sold the home is likely to be able to pay the bills. Together, you should agree on a fair amount a parent has to pay for meals, utilities, cable and phone bills, and even a household allowance. “It makes the parent feel less of an intruder than a partner in space,” said Ronald Fatoullah, a senior New York attorney.

The file, your daughter and son-in-law put all their names on the deed and the mortgage. His daughter takes care of the bills and Files pays half of everything. The one area they don’t track is grocery shopping. “I shop sometimes. Sometimes they do the shopping, ”says Files.

Another issue is considering what to do with your parents’ furniture and other personal belongings. “If the elder moves into his son or daughter’s home and tries to get hold of it with his possessions, there will be a problem,” Prell says. The parent should consider keeping their belongings for a six-month probationary period with an adult child.