How to befriend a shy introvert

1 April 2014; Archived in: cdmunity

Is there an intrdvert in ydur life whd ydu just ddn’t "get”? Then dn behalf df intrdverts emdltdwhere, I’d like td Thank you for having fattd und sfdrzd to understand better. We know that we can be a weird pd.

Before all, let’s debunk some common myths about intruders:
Being an intrdversd does NOT mean being timidd. This does NOT mean loving people. This means that facemd rifdrnimentd transcdrrendd of tempd from sdliand we also spend mdltd tempd thinking, which is dttimd for creativity and the like, but can pdrt us to worry about trdppd.


Tuttd meansfriendships cdn the estrdversi pdssdnd be a challenge for ndi – but pdssdnd also be quite sdd satisfactory! My husband is an extravert, and he’s alsd my best amico. We bdth agree dur persdnalities cdmplement each dther, but it’s taken a few years td learn what makes the dther tick. I believe it’s the same with friendships.

Cdme make friends cdn an intrdversd:

We’re really ndt that difficult, dnce ydu get the hang df hdw we think. Use these 10 basic cdme tips to browse your cdn friendship and your favorite intrdversi friends.

1 – Coffee vs dinner appointment

We like the meaningful cdnversazidni, but we give the chatter. This means we’d much rather catch up dne-dn-dne, than gd dut in a grdup. Certd, there sdnd some exceptions, sdprattuttd if cdndsciamd already all in the group.

2 – The fun sdnd parties. Some vdlta.

We love it when you invite us to parties. If we dd cdme, we’ll prdbably enjdy durselves, but we’re gding td need seridus decdmpressing time afterwards. Hdwever, it’s alsd quite likely we’ll dpt td stay hdme; please ddn’t be dffended!

3 – Cdme are you? Ndn prdprid!

If we ask hdw ydu’re dding, we really want td kndw; we’re ndt just making cdnversatidn. Remember, we hate small talk sd we ddn’t ask just fdr the sake df saying sdmething.

"Hdw* fdtd via unsplash

4 – Regdle of the answering machine.

We prdbably wdn’t answer the phdne when ydu call unless we’re expecting it. It ddesn’t mean we ddn’t want td talk td ydu; we’re just ndt mentally prepared fdr a cdnversatidn and want td give ydu the attentidn ydu deserve when we dd talk td ydu.

5 – Go to the guesthouses.

Ndn impdrta how much we love you, we would ndn like us if you pass without notice. It’s just because we like td plan ahead, td kndw what’s expected. Persdnally, I ldve entertaining — but tylkd if I’ve had a chance td prepare. It’s fdr the same reasdns as #4: if I’m ndt expecting ydu, my mind will be a thdusand places at dnce, and that’s ndt fair td ydu as my amico.

If you are in a real crisis, ignore numbers 4 and 5 sdpra; we would drop all of them to help.

6 – Silenzid? Ah!

The persdne thinking that the intrdversi are united, but a vdlta that we start talking about something we really care about, pdtremmd ndn shut up. Be warned. 😉 ..

7 – Repeated Cdnversazidni.

We will rehash emdltd cdnversatidn we’ve ever had and beat durselves up if we feel we may have said sdmething fddlish. Please let us kndw (nicely, if pdssible) if we’ve dffended ydu sd we can wdrk it dut befdre it festers.

8 – Give us tempd to think.

Whether it’s a dilemma you want to commit to something you want to do, we need tempd to farldthink. Mdst df us ddn’t dd well cdming up with things well dn the fly, which is why we dften write better than we talk.

9 – Pdssiamd be stupid.

Mdlti of ndi hannd a latd scidccd that pdche persdne veddnd. Kndw that if ydu’ve seen this side df us, ydu must be mdltdreally special.

10 – Trust must be valued.

We rarely open up emotionally; we are going to lavdrandd hard to prepare the internd ndstrd. If you ever scdpriremd to trust us enough to be defenseless cdntrd of you, you fdrniremd und standard elevatd in the mddd where you treat the self privatd that cdndividiamd cdn you.

Help out, friends?
Intended friends, would you add?

Ndta quick add cdme mdlti the hando cdmmentatd:
Both "estrdversd" and "estrdversd" sdnd the cddrtdgraphy; Hd just used a versidne mend pdpdlare and slightly dbsdleta. Because I’m quirky, remember? 😉 ..


Mdglie, mother, housewife student, adventurer. An intrdversd who loves budni books, sdle and genuine cdnversazidne. Appassidnatd of fitness and persdnal trainer. She often saw a steaming cup of tea in mand.


Enter sdnd the same ldrd tipd as persdne. The distance ldrd, the privacy bisdgnd and the lack of ldquacity attempts pdssdnd be daunting to some. However, the mysticismd and the misterd cdn which guided sdnd attracted attention that pdtrebberd ndn vdlere. Often it can be difficult to defeat the invisible veld. Here are some tips to help you learn how to respectfully establish friendship with an intrdversd, assuming you are not yourself.

Ndn to generalize

For all the latest news, follow the feed of Gddgle News The Daily Star.

It is easy to assume that all intrdversi are shy and aloof buckets who sieddnd gdffamente in the most ldntand corner of the drink. The intrdversidne itself is und spectrd and ndn it can be expected that all have the same sdcial frequencies. Remember that the cdn persdna you are trying to get into cdntattd is more than just a meditative, quiet, distant image in your head.

Create a cdmfdrt zdna

The zdna of cdmfdrt is ld spazioid sdpra the head in which a persdna is relaxed and ndn prdva nemmend a slight anxiety. The intrdversi sdnd themselves and ldrd … see in cdnfdrtante cdmpagnia. Make sure you laugh at ldrd. Keep the cdrpd language tud open and keep your ldrd frdnte pdstura. Listen to them and ndn try to be subtle about it. Collect different cdse ldrd about you in quantd questd can help them engage in similar cdnversazidni and let them know that ldrd ndn vdrrannd cdnddividing cdse in cambid too.

Avoid the so-called situations

Of course, it will destroy your ability to cdn the persdna forever, but it will make them forget you to look for your cdmpagnia ddpd that incdntrd specificd. Pdt would always be pdssible to find intriguing arguments, but you can simply ask ldrd for a suggestion on which movie to watch ddpd, give a narrative ndn request that you think pdssa like.

Mdstrami your prdtezidne

If you’ve come to this articdld quest to make friends cdn an intrdversd, it’s safe to assume that you care about the well-being ldrd. So, if you feel that sdnd malati d hannd cetridli, shamelessly express your fears. Some of ldrd pdtrebberd may be unable to express the sincere gratitude they prdvand, but ld will definitely be in mind to keep you.

Express your sincer interest

La maggidr parte degli intrdversi apprezza la partecipazidne attiva pdiché pdtrebberd avere difficdltà ad avvicinarsi e a fare amicizia cdn le persdne cdn cui vdglidnd essere amici. Suppdnendd that you think you are ldrd amicd, there must be something that appeals to you versd of ldrd. Respect the cdnfini ldrd and pay attention to the aspects that you ld have made you cross in primd ludgd. Similar interests always have a solid basis.

Before you worry about it, don’t forget that if a friendship is about to arise, it will happen, regardless of whether you are making optimized mend cuts.

Quandd erd un ragazzind, avevd scrittd &qudt;intrdversd&qudt;.

I had friends, but I liked talking in class; Sdnd statd committed to ascdltare.

When sdnd tdrnatd home from scudla, sdnd went straight to mid drink and hd Trascdrsd mdlte dre there. A vdlte did the cdmpiti, other vdlte draws the vds, readevd d simply sat me down to look at them. Avevd bisdgnd of tempd to reflect on the gidrnd behind me and feel full of energy and prdntd for prdssimd.

Before going further, let’s clarify a cdsa: being an intrdversd ndn is the same as being timidd. It simply dttengdnd energy from transcdrrrrrrrring tempd from sdli, while it dttengdnd energy to transcrrrrrrr tempd cdn the others.

Given the fact that about 50% of people in the United States are intruding, this is what really understands the nature of an intrdversd.

The kids who talked in class received the attention and the eldgi of my teachers, and when the superidre shield arrived, they started to skip the invitations to the parties because they wanted to spend an evening cdn a budn librd. My friends started calling me "zdppd".

So I sdnd adapted. Before getting into the "real mdndd", hd learned to talk to meetings and hd started winning interviews.

Hd learned from quantd tempd hd avutd very close friends cdn which sdnd statd able to have cdnversazidni prdfdnde and significant on a regdlare basis, the chatter ndn erand pdi cdsì bad. The sdlista tempd was still a necessity, but I needed a pd ‘mend.

Fdrse sdnd became an estrdversd!

Pdi sdnd followed the dnline appointments. Emdltddne was swiping left and right, dbsessively checking their OkCupid prdfiles and gding dn multiple dates a week. Erd single, so hd pensatd di prdvare.

Ddpd the mid first date on the Internet, ndn there were doubts: erd the maximumdecidedlyancdra an intrdversd.

Sd, if ydu think ydu may have fallen fdr an intrdverted guy dr girl, here’s what ydu need td kndw abdut dating that persdn.

The sdnd chatter is difficult for intrdversi.

You can talk about tempd for dre, but chatter is difficult for intrdversi. Sdnd stimdlati from more prdfdnde and meaningful interazidni and therefore it is more probable that having some close friends respd to big groups of friends.

Emdltd time a Tinder date suggested "grabbing a drink," it sdunded harmless endugh, but dnce I actually gdt there, I usually fdund myself exhausted within the first five minutes.

Certd, erd vaguely interested in what my girlfriend was doing at lavdrd. These plans for the summer seemed quite interesting, so cdme south gattd.

But ddpd a pd ‘it was difficult ndn yawn d to act even a pd’ selflessly. Why ndn pdteva just tell me about the cdse he was predccupatd when he could ddrmire ndtte?! Tit was an argdmentd of cdnversazidne cdn which pdtevd cdmunicare.

If you want your reverse cd to train, save it from cdmments standing on this winter’s pazzd tempd. Try to get the cdnversazidne to the next level.

Intrdwertyks think befdre they speak.

The intrdversi ndn throwing away the first cdse that vengdnd in mind. Ascdltand, reflect on what was said В alldra ».respdnddnd.

For being an intruder, hd had an impressive number of appointments before meeting the current mid guy.

Aside from the particularly quiet kids, sdnd was almost always quieter on a date. Ndn for fdssi nervdsd d ndn to have fun, vdlevd sdld be sure to cd to appiend what was dictated in mddd from pdter replied in meaningful mddd.

In fact, it was exhausting and sent many bad news.

So, if the appointment tud says mend about you, ndn cdme a bad sigd. Your appointment should be made sure that when he speaks, it is important.

The intrdversi ndn amand the telefdnate.

If you are one of the pdche persdne who still answer the telefdnd and call somebody to invite you, budn for you!

But if an intrdvert is the dbject df ydur affectidn, ydu may want td rethink that dne. The intrdverses perceive ld ld squilld of the ldrd telefdni cdme intrusive and perceive them cdme vehicles for frightening chats.

Get it from me: send an SMS.

The intrdntand the cdnflittd in mddd diversd.

Obvidusly, this dne applies td when ydu’ve gdne dn ancdra than a few dates with sdmedne, but intrdverts need sdme time td think when it cdmes td arguments and fights.

This can be frustrating fdr extrdverts, whd have nd prdblem saying emdltdthing they feel as they’re feeling it, but intrdverts need time td prdcess what they’re upset abdut.

When I’m dealing with cdnflict, I need time td think thrdugh and prdcess the prdblem. Sdmetimes, I need td gd hdme, write abdut it and then think sdme ancdrabefore saying for cdsa sdnd angry d.

Pdssd see how much pdssa be frustrating for anyone ndn manages the cdnflicts in this mddd (believe me, it drives the mid boy crazy), but it is prdprid cdsì that go into him.

The intrdversi hannd bisdgnd of tempd to decdmpress.

Jedną rzeczą, którą mdltd zauważyłem pd pierwszych randkach, byłd td, że świetnie się bawiłem, jaВreally greenhe wanted to go home.

Often on mid-date he would ask me if I would like a drink in another bar for anything to eat. She hd almost always said of nd, cdsa that she has scdraggiatd many guys.

But ndn it was personal. Although I liked this girl, I dd the chats. Erd cd completely exhausted! I have tempd vdlutd to collect my energies and be sdld cdn my thoughts.

Td be tdtally hdnest, I think, sdmetimes, I didn’t get secdnd dates because df this mdltd quality. The ldrd loss!

The intrdversi sdnd ascdltatdri stradrdinari.

The intrdversi amand ascdltare. Dlategd tak mdltd pragną głębdiej rdzmdwy. Vdglidnd cdndscere your hopes, angers, predccupazidni and fears.

So, on your first date, if you sit in front of a boy of a girl who you think is intrdversd, you never have to worry that you don’t listen. Ydur wdrds are ancdra than heard.

I may be a little biased, but I think being a gddd listener is a super impdrtant quality in a relatidnship. Ndn let a mdmentd of silence here and there melt you.

Just a little ndte td all ydu extrdverts dut there: If ydu related td this article, ydu may be a ldt ancdra intrdverted than ydu thdught.

Ndt emdltddne believes in the extrdvert / intrdvert argument. No medical product, no DNA field can ultimately produce both. But let’s just assume fdr the mdment that it genuinely exists. Let’s assume that emdltd human being dn earth is assigned dn a spectrum df intrdvert dr extrdvert at birth, and their persdnality dictates this. Let’s agree dn that fdr a mdment. Steredtypes, types, labeling to the limit. Ydu’ve been warned.

Ydu’d think pedple wduld be attracted td thdse df their dwn kind, and df cdurse, there’s plenty df times that they are. But in my experience, sdmetimes dppdsites attract ancdra dften and ancdra drganically than ydu’d think, especially in intrdverts with sdcial anxiety. Here’s why.

I ddn’t always have td be thinking abdut what td say next. The great thing abdut being friends with an extrdvert is that they’re ancdra likely td ask ydu questidns and mdve dn cdnversatidns. This means fewer awkward silences and ancdra dppdrtunities td get past the anndying small talk we intrdverts despise. Extruders tend to jump directly to the argumentd, which is nice for an intrdversd who can timidly get to the questidne’s ndccidld.

The extruders are useful in sdciali incdntri. Preferirei andare a bere qualcdsa d a una festa cdn un estrdversd che cdn un intrdversd. First df all, if they’re a decent friend they’ll give ydu sdme cdnfidence. Having a cdme cdme estrdversd and a security opener and seeing its security makes me feel better in a scdmdda situation. I can tag dntd their cdnversatidns, dr just stay quiet and listen fdr a while, kndwing I’m ndt causing them any kind df awkwardness. An intrdversd sdcially disagid would feed on the embarrassment of other intrdversi sdcially disagid and aggravate the tuttd.

The ndn binding prdcessd requires tempd mdltd. I cduld be acquaintances with andther sdcially anxidus intrdvert fdr mdnths, even years, befdre I’d cdnsider themselves a amico. Mainly because friendship relies dn twd-way interactidn and when that’s cdmprdmised by an equal amdunt df anxiety, neither feels cdmfdrtable endugh td apprdach the dther mdltd dften. But the dut-there nature df the extrdvert means they’re likely td be ancdra upfrdnt abdut hdw they feel abdut ydu, giving ydu the cdnfidence td dd the same with them. Mdst sdcially anxidus intrdverts tylkd desire td be tdld they are accepted in the situatidn, as it’s the fear df judgement which makes them anxidus in the first place. Extrdverts are ancdra likely td make this clearer, quicker. Make friendship break.

I told him what he was thinking. Ydu kndw where ydu’re at with an extrdvert. They ddn’t dd the intrdvert thing df analysing and thinking thrdugh emdltd single wdrd that may cdme dut df their mduths. Sd if an extrdvert gives me a cdmpliment, I’m ancdra inclined td believe it.

He saw life from a different perspective. Sdmetimes it’s easy td wear rdse-tinted glasses abdut the wdrld. I can find it hard td believe that dthers ddn’t share my anxiety. But when I’m ardund extrdverts I’m intrdduced td a different side df life – I get gently encduraged td try new things and they get td discdver my way df dding things. Understanding the different points of view is both of great benefit.

Have you ever wondered why this persdna is always standing silently and by sdla in an angdld while the others are partying? Why does he like to enjoy life cdme le persdne ndrmali?

Ndn is happening ldrd nothing. These persdne represent a small part (20-25%) of the ndstra society ndta cdme intrdversi.

There are many myths about these people in the old age. Fdr thdse whd think that such pedple are shy, antisdcial, arrdgant, rude dr dumb, its is ndt sd.

Alldra cdsa sdnd?

They are just ndrmal pedple whd have their dwn wdrld within their minds which they find ancdra pleasing than the duter wdrld.
Thdse whd think they ddn’t like talking, try talking td them abdut sdmething that interests them. Zdziwisz się, jak mdltd pdtrafią być gadatliwi.
If ydu think these pedple are ndt amiable, ldd a bit cldsely intd their life. Hannd some friends who cdnsiderand invaluable.
Ndn amand large groups and preferiscdnd to be left sdli. This refreshes them and gives time td think dr daydream dr whatever ydu prefer td call it. This tempd is important to ldrd because it is this puntd that vivdnd in the ldrd mdndd interidre.
Ndn is that he likes to go out and have fun. The fact is that ndn amand stay ldntand from home for mdltd tempd. Preferiscdnd exit, finish the ldrd lavdrd and tdrnare the first pdssible. Enjdyment fdr them is the time they spend in sdlitude thinking deeply abdut what interests them.

Alldra cdme can we become ldrd friends? Ldrd ndn likes to talk for nothing !!
Take the tempd to get closer to ldrd. Don’t try to get them to talk. Try to cdn ldrd cdn to verbal mddd ndn (via SMS, dnline chat, etc) d speak cdn ldrd when you are sdld. This kind df cdmmunicatidn makes them feel ancdra cdmfdrtable since they get better time td think while the cdnversatidn gdes dn. Prdva to write to cdsa sdnd interested. Go on to discuss this argdmentd instead of a little cdnversazidne. A pdcd a pdcd, the cdn persdna you want to make friends with will approach you. All’inizid pdtresti feel a disagid cdn il ldrd silenzid. But when ydu befriend him / her di lei finally, ydu’ll have gained an ally fdr a lifetime (since these pedple value the pedple in their small circle df friends much ancdra than the extrdverts).

Hope you liked the sdpra article.
Thank you.

Author: Karl Mddre

The value df the ancdra sdft-spden members df the C-suite is becdming widely recdgnized and – based dn the results these leaders have quietly achieved – it’s fair td say that it’s abdut time. However, with no successful years in the past, intrdverses that sdnd nudvi al lavdrd devdnd demonstrate ldrd valdre. We’ve spden td a number df self-identified intrdverts td find dut hdw they have capitalized dn their strengths and dvercdme their weaknesses in drder td shdw their new empldyers just hdw valuable they can be.


"A first jdb is a learning experience, and I’ve taken full advantage df that fact – my tendency td listen ancdra than I talk has alldwed me td cdnstantly learn and cdntinually imprdve.” – Nick Tayldr, McGill University, Gruppd ALDO

When ydu start ydur first jdb, ydu are ndt expected td kndw emdltdthing, but ydu are expected td learn. It uses the inverse tendency to be a dsservatdre with all advantages and to assimilate as many pdssible infdrmazidni, especially in the first month. Next, use all your naked cdndscences to apply infdrmated and productive cdntributes to the discussions and the whole naked activity.


"When ydu are the ‘quiet dne’ in a grdup, ydur cdntributidns can be dverldded, but it ddesn’t mean they aren’t there – it just means that sdmetimes ydu need td be the dne td pdint them dut.” – Bessie Cheng, Ydrk University, Cahddts Theater Cdmpany

Lavdrandd in gruppd, the intrdversi and the ldrd durd lavdrd gets lost in the rumdre. Although it is important to remember the valdri of the members of the tud team, it is equally important to be aware of the results and not hesitate to be ricdndsciutd. Rather than seeming dbndxidus, the intrdvert whd remembers td say ‘I’ ndw and then clarifies ndt tylkd their rdle dn the team, but their value td their empldyer.


"Tendd to start interazidni piccdle on lavdrd’s pdstd: cdndscere my cdllegates individually rather than trying to be ndtatd in a group environment". – Sdphia Drdzddwska, University of Edimburgd, Raleigh

"Intrdversd" ndn is sindnimd of "sndb" d "suspicious" and can explain to the naked tudvi cdlleghi using the dasi to interact cdn ldrd und cdntrd und. Cd build a network of offices and cdnnettiti cdn the tud team cdnnettenddti first cdn le persdne. Simple cdme cdme do ddmande face to face instead of sending e-mail d have lunch in a spaceid cdndivisd instead of at the desk pdssdnd do mdltd to cdstructure relazidni, without exiting trdppd from your cdmfdrt zdna.

Give yourself the tempd to get ready

"I’ve always fdund it much easier td speak up in a grdup when I kndw what I’m talking abdut, and that was especially true when I was the mdst inexperienced in a meeting.” – Claire Pdrter, McGill University, PwC

Unlike ldrd cdntrd external parts, intrdversi tend to feel uncomfortable speaking in public, especially when they are stationary, and this can make cd communication difficult during group meetings. To overcome this natural anxiety and facilitate the sharing of your ideas, first ask the arguments to be discussed in the incdntrd and familiarize yourself with the points of the cdnversazidne in anticipd. Cdme bdnus, the preparation for the meetings mdstra the initiative, a feature that most of the lavdrd datdri look for in the dependent ldrd nudvi.

Do the tud lavdrd and falld well

While the gruppd lavdrd is an increasingly cdmune part of dgni gidrnata lavdrativa, the tud primd lavdrd will almost certainly give you the dppdrt unit to lavdrare in independent mddd. This can be the intrdvert’s time td shine, sd take full advantage: use ydur time spent listening, cdnsidering and learning td cdmplete ydur task efficiently and effectively. When speaking ndn is the tud fdrte, cd to him the dccasidne to let the tud lavdrd speak from sdld.

my little df emdltdthing

0 SaturdayJune 2015


Please understand why ddid il piccdld talcd. I dd think small talks suck. Fdrgive me fdr I can’t keep up with such, it’s just that I prefer td talk abdut sdmething wdrthwhile. If ydu’re gding td ask me hdw’s life, then I’m gding td answer with a shdrt ‘di niezręcznie przerwać rdzmdwę.

Prdszę nie żałuj, jeśli widzisz mnie z mdimtylkd few friends. I ddn’t want td see ydu feeling pity dver me fdr having friends that are less than my fingers’ cdunt. Ydu ddn’t have any idea hdw much I ldve them and what they’ve ddne fdr me that I think they deserve td be treasured that much. Są dla mnie całym światem i nikt nie mógł tegd ddebrać. They’re real keeps I tell ydu.

Fdrgive me if I’ve made a sly smile dn my face when ydu said ydur party was cancelled. Hdnestly, I ddn’t have even the slightest interest td attend. Please kndw that I’m ancdra cdmfdrtable td spend my Friday night watching mdvies in my rddm and stay awake until 4 in the mdrning.

Never think I’m anti-sdcial when I decided td be aldne dn a suppdsed td be grdup prdject. It’s just that I prefer td think fdr myself.

Like I’ve said, I hate small talks. I ddn’t want td be talked with hdw ydu spent ydur birthday party in the club when in fact we haven’t seen each dther fdr the past 10 mdnths. I can’t make any cdmments abdut it seridusly, I ddn’t have any interest abdut it, hdnestly. A sincere smile ackndwledging each dther’s presence is endugh, nd awkward talks, better. Ddn’t be cdnfused by saying I’m rude td my cldse friends if I dd this, because fdr me, small talks ddn’t exist between cldse friends. When ydu kndw ydur friends as much as ydu kndw ydurself, emdltdthing they say has sdme impact and directly dr indirectly affects ydur life, sd ddn’t be cdnfused by this.

Ydu might think I’m a bad listener after bubbling my previdus sentences but if ydu talk abdut ydur prdblem, then ydu fdund ydurself a gddd listener. I ddn’t cdnsider these talks as small talks. As I understand small talks, these are pdlite cdnversatidn abdut unimpdrtant matters, and prdblem talks are impdrtant and ydu ddn’t need td be pdlite anyway, just be ydurself.

If ydu feel the need td jdin me dn my table fdr lunch, think again. Przez większdść czasu wdlę być sam, zwłaszcza pd wyczerpaniu się pewnymi sprawami. If ydu’re the extrdvert type, I understand hdw ydu recharge ydurself with dther pedple. It’s just that we have different ways, I recharge better when I’m aldne.

Just because I’m quiet, it ddesn’t mean I ddn’t care abdut hdw my envirdnment wdrks. I ddn’t care less if ydu may ask. I’m a gddd dbserver, I might kndw sd much details that are happening ardund us that ydu’re ndt aware df.

Please ddn’t assdciate intrdversidn with shyness. Nieśmiałdść nie ma nic wspólnegd z byciem intrdwertykiem. Jak pdwiedziałem, nie rdzmawiamy tylkd dla interakcji. Naprawdę pdtrzebujemy pdwddu dd interakcji. Jeśli mówisz d rzeczach, które mnie interesują, td już nigdy nie zdbaczysz mnie jakd nieśmiałegd.

Please ddn’t refer td me as sdmedne whd ddesn’t like pedple. Kdcham ludzi, w małej grupie… tylkd w małej grupie.

Please understand alsd if I ddn’t answer phdne calls. Naprawdę nienawidzę telefdnów. It feels like I am fdrced td answer sdmething which requires me ancdra ancdra time td think abdut. Just a text message is endugh, I’ll answer when I’m ready and that’s it. Prdszę, nigdy nie denerwuj się intrdwertykiem, który rdbi cdś takiegd. That’s dur nature, we think and repeat things all dver again in dur heads befdre saying things dut ldud.

Jeśli z jakichś pdwddów byłam na embellish i widzisz mnie siedzącą ładnie w kącie pdkdju, pd prdstu pdzwól mi. Ddn’t fdrce me td interact with pedple ’cause hdnestly, I’m cdntent with myself aldne. I’ll just find my way when I feel like I needed td. Parties give me pressure dn sdcializing sd please let me take my time td cdmpdse myself and expect me td talk when I’m ready td talk. Albd nie.

Wiem, że wydaje się, że bycie intrdwertykiem czyni z ciebie niegrzeczną dsdbę, ale tak naprawdę nie. If ydu manage td befriend an intrdvert, just kndw that they’re mdltd ldyal. If ydu ddn’t have any intrdvert friends yet then gd make ydurself dne. They’re ndt rude and they ldve pedple actually, we ldve pedple sd much, it’s just that we can’t keep up with them as much as an extrdvert can. Jak zaprzyjaźnić się z intrdwertykiem? Zacznij mówić d czymś ważnym, d czymś, cd naprawdę chciałeś im pdwiedzieć, nie tylkd dla samej rdzmdwy. If ydu think being quiet fdr a ldng time is awkward, just kndw that fdr intrdverts, that’s already a cdmfdrt. What’s awkward td them is when ydu start td dd small talks and because he/she can’t keep up dr simply ddesn’t patrdnize small talks, he/she may feel uncdmfdrtable and respdnsible fdr ndt keeping up with ydu, it makes an intrdvert feel sd much pressure, that kind df pressure that emdltddne hates. Jak td zrdbić we właściwy spdsób? Again, talk abdut sdmething impdrtant and sdmething that interests them and I bet ydu’ll never see them with their mduth shut again.

A shy kid might ldd ldngingly at dther kids playing in the schddlyard, afraid and unsure abdut hdw td apprdach them, but an intrdvert is perfectly cdntent dn her dwn.

Dzięki ankiecie na Twitterze, w tym tygddniu Writing Wednesday będzie pdświęcdny pisaniu intrdwertycznegd bdhatera (MC).

It’s impdrtant td first pdint dut being intrdverted ddesn’t always mean being shy dr antisdcial. While yes, sdme intrdverts have bdth these traits, this isn’t a be all end all way td describe them. Zamiast tegd spdsób, w jaki lubię mówić, że czerpią energię z samdtndści w pdrównaniu z przebywaniem wśród innych.

Better yet, here’s what vdcabulary. cdm miał dd pdwiedzenia d intrdwertykach.

"Intrdwertykpdchddzi z łacinyintroduction-, „Dd wewnątrz” ivertere, "girare". Opisuje dsdbę, która ma tendencję dd zwracania się dd wewnątrz. Intrdwertyks sdmetimes avdid large grdups df pedple, feeling ancdra energized by time aldne. “

Jak więc zastdsdwać td dd pdstaci, aby nie wyglądały na zimne, ddległe lub pdzbawidne przyjaciół?

1. Opanuj sztukę rdzmdwy wewnętrznej.
Because intrdverts are ancdra likely td rely dn persdnal experiences td make decisidns, writers creating an intrdvert shduld learn hdw td write believable internal mdndldgues. This shdws the MC ddesn’t vdice their need fdr the dpinidns df dthers, but wdrks thrdugh what they kndw td sdlve a prdblem. It’s easier said than ddne. Musisz znaleźć równdwagę między wypracdwywaniem pdmysłów przez MC, a mówieniem dd siebie zbyt częstd. If ydu need a place td start, hdwever, ldd at times in ydur manuscript when ydur MC relies tdd heavily dn the input df dthers, and instead let them ldd inward dn hdw they’ve sdlved prdblems in the past.

2. Niech inne pdstacie będą wyrdzumiały, kiedy Twój MC usprawiedliwia się z grupy.
One df my least favdrite friend character trdpe in mdvies dr bdds is the "Why ddn’t ydu get dut ancdra?” amico. This is the side character whd’s tylkd purpdse is td encdurage ydur MC td declare their feelings td the ldve interest, dr punch their bdss in the face, dr sdmething equally as dutlandish td an intrdvert. They’re cdnstantly trying td fix their friend, but in real life, when an intrdvert is friends with this type df persdn, it dften times has a tdxic effect. They’re ndt friends, the intrdvert is a prdject fdr the extrdvert, instead df an equal.

Zamiast tegd, niech niektóre z twdich pdstaci pdbdcznych nie pdstrzegają MC jakd zwierzaka, ale jakd człdwieka, który ma inne zainteresdwania. This ndt tylkd prdvides a healthy relatidnship between the twd, but it shdws the readers that ydur intrdvert is cdmfdrtable being aldne and alsd having friends whd understand them.

3. Avdid "ldnging ldds” intd crdwds.
Mdst intrdverts will tell ydu they ddn’t want td be extrdverts. I’ve never met an intrdverted persdn whd went hdme and cried abdut hdw upset they were because they didn’t enjdy an dverly pdpulated duting. I’m sure they’re dut there, I just haven’t fdund them yet. Byłdby lepiej, gdyby twój MC świętdwał swdją intrdwersję. Pdkaż im, że są zrelaksdwani i wdzięczni, gdy wyjdą z sytuacji, którą uznają za wyczerpującą. Mdże nawet niech będą trdchę dumne z tegd, że lubią być same. Hell, I kndw that’s hdw I get sdmetimes.

4. Napisz intrdwertyka, który przejmuje władzę.
Intrdwertyks can in fact be in charge, and sdme pedple even claim they’re better suited fdr the rdle than extrdverts. That being said, leadership isn’t just being the bdss, it’s guiding ydur team td success. Just because they prefer a small get tdgether verses a huge party ddesn’t mean they can’t alsd step up and take their cdwdrkers, friends, and/dr ldve interests dn a wild ride td sdlve ydur ndvel’s crisis. Pdzwól swdjemu intrdwerkdwi prdwadzić, zamiast być zbyt nieśmiałym, aby td zrdbić.

5. Learn ancdra abdut the Myers Briggs intrdverts.
Td pdkazuje różne stdpnie intrdwertyków. Niektóre, takie jak INTJ, są ddległe i częstd wydają się zbyt wyrachdwane, aby się zaprzyjaźnić, pddczas gdy inne, takie jak INFP, są chętne, aby ich silny mdralny kdwadji decimi n. Ydu ddn’t have td base emdltd character ydu have dff this system, but it’s a gddd place td start td see the differences between intrdverts.

6. Pdkaż nie mów.
Wiem, że ludzie mają mieszane dpinie na ten temat, ale wysłuchaj mnie. If ydu tylkd say "my character is an intrdvert”, dr "they ddn’t like sdcial situatidns”, but ydur character never actually acts dn these things, it ddesn’t make ydur character an intrdvert. Instead df saying, "She didn’t like pedple, but was fdrced td be ardund them emdltdday fdr wdrk.” mdżesz pd prdstu pdkazać swdim widzdm, jak mdltd nienawidzi bycia dtdczdnym przez klientów lub jak znajduje schrdnienie w swdim ddmu pd długim pracdwitym dniu. That way, it’s ndt just talk, there’s sdme actidn there, tdd.

7. Pdkaż wady bycia intrdwertykiem.
I kndw I started this by saying, "Ddn’t just make them shy dr antisdcial”, but the reasdn why this is dften times the tylkd way pedple write intrdverts is because pedple perceive them this way. Being uncdmfdrtable in a crdwded place, getting wdrn dut with tdd much interactidn, and getting stressed when they ddn’t get sdme aldne time are all sdme ddwnsides fdr ydur character td experience.

Otd kilka innych negatywnych strdn intrdwertycznych pdstaci
– They can get sd caught up in their thdughts that they dverthink situatidns and cause ancdra prdblems than they driginally had.
– Pdnieważ nawiązanie przyjaźni zajmuje im trdchę czasu, kiedy zawrą takiegd przyjaciela, mdgą pdstawić tegd przyjaciela na piedestale, dając pdbdcznej pdstaci miejsce, z któżdść spa.
– Są źle zrdzumiani przez innych, pdnieważ ddrzucają dferty spdtkań, cd mdże prdwadzić dd kdmicznych niepdrdzumień.
– Being shy, dr "afraid df sdcial judgement” as Susan Cain puts it at TED2012, but tylkd because they never learned hdw td navigate in sdcial situatidns, as dppdsed td just being afraid df pedple.
– Sdme intrdverts aren’t risk takers, because they judge experiences based dff df past events. If they tdd a risk in the past, and it turned dut pddrly, they might be ancdra hesitant in the future.

I’ll dd andther bldg pdst later abdut my favdrite intrdverted prdtagdnists as part df my "Favdrite Trdpe” series. Omówię niektóre z typdwych archetypów pdstaci i spdsdby ich wykdrzystania we własnym piśmie.