You’ve been spending your time hanging out with friends, keeping up with your homework and (of course) staring at the back of your crush’s head for the entirety of your lit class, willing him to ask you out already. Seriously, what’s the holdup?!
The best way to deal? Definitely not by waiting around for him to man up and text you. Instead, woman up and ask him out yourself! If the idea of putting yourself out there makes you want to hole up and hide in your dorm, try following these tried-and-true tips.
1. Be Confident
We get it: asking a guy out can be super scary. Like, I’d-rather-watch-The-Conjuring-alone-than-do-this scary. The problem is, if all you do is sit around thinking about how scared you are to make a move, you might miss your chance! To give you a much-needed confidence boost, we’re going to let you in on a little secret: most guys are A-OK with you taking the lead!
“As a guy, I really wouldn’t mind if more women started taking action into their own hands,” says Her Campus Real Live College Guy Dale. “If you like a guy, go up and talk to him or ask him out—don’t send out playful vibes and hope that he’ll get the message. I would be so totally impressed if a woman just came up to me and asked me out. It shows me confidence and creativity, and I would really have almost no other choice than to say yes to a date.”
Dale’s not the only one who wants you to make a move. Briana, a recent graduate of Georgia College, has found that boys don’t mind at all. “It’s perfectly alright to ask a guy out—in fact, many guys think that it’s super attractive when you make the first move!” she says.
Don’t let your nerves get the best of you. He may not even know you’re interested in him until you make it clear—after all, males aren’t exactly known for their intuition.
2. Initiate Conversation
Unsurprisingly, it’s best to actually talk to a guy before you try to take him out. For one, you want to see if he’s even worth getting to know. Is he your type? Can he hold up a conversation? For another, it’s one of the best ways to gauge whether he might be into you too, saving you from what could be a serious awkward-turtle moment.
“You should have a conversation before asking him out,” advises Kim Olver, author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life. “You’ll have a sense of if it’s give and take. If you ask something about him and he seems just as interested in finding out something about you, then I think it’s safe to be able to ask [him out].”
If you’re doing all the work whenever you talk and he’s not responding much, Olver says you can save yourself the trouble and find another fish in the pond.
The tactic worked well for Kaitlin, a junior at Denison University. “We ended up sitting next to each other [in economics], and since I didn’t really know anyone else in the class and thought he seemed nice/good-looking, I said hey, and asked him a question about the class,” she says. “We ended up talking for five minutes until our professor arrived. Looking back, if I hadn’t initiated a conversation with him, nothing may have ever happened!”
While Kaitlin’s boyfriend was the one who asked for her number and asked to take her out, Kaitlin’s the one who got the ball rolling by striking up a conversation in the first place. Think of it as an awesome and super-rewarding way to stretch your flirtation muscles!
3. Keep it Casual
Even if your heart’s beating a mile a minute when you start chatting, your best bet is to keep your cool and keep the questions light. “[Say] something low-pressure,” advises Olver. “Not, ‘Would you go to my sister’s wedding with me?’ That’s kind of high-pressure. You want to do a low-pressure, kind of casual, ‘Would you like to get coffee? Would you like to get lunch?’” You’re probably not ready for super cutesy fall dates, but you might get there soon if you lay the groundwork now!
Briana agrees. “Invite him to get coffee with you or something chill like that,” she suggests. “You don’t have to make it an elaborate production.” You aren’t asking him to marry you, so there’s really no need to be nervous (or make him nervous in the process)!
The best way to do it? Show your funny side! You don’t have to be the star of your school’s improv group—chances are you’ve got a little bit of Tina Fey in you anyway. There’s no better time to let her shine than when you’re making movies on your man crush!
“I’ve casually asked guys out before via text by using a sarcastic sincerity. It’s a thing!” says Chloe, a recent grad of The University of Iowa. “I generally say something along the lines of, ‘Not that texting back and forth for days isn’t fun, but we should actually talk face to face some time. Maybe with food. Maybe this weekend.’ I don’t think it’s never not worked! Or I’ll say the exact same thing, but in person.” She swears that her humor diffuses any awkwardness and that nervousness is a total mood-killer. So take her lead and make fun of the situation!
4. Suggest Something Specific
As easy as it would be to casually ask, “Want to hang out sometime?”, this cop-out won’t get you and your Campus Cutie anywhere any time soon. If you’re going to ask him out, you should ask him to actually do something specific.
“Usually it helps if there’s something specific to invite him to,” says Olver. “I would try to think about, first of all: what do I like to do? And what do I think this person might like to do? If you’re into football, ask if he’s going to a football game and if you could meet up there. Or if you like to work out, [ask], ‘Are you going to the gym? Would you like to go with me [and] maybe grab a smoothie afterwards?’”
The awesome thing about being the one to make the first move is that you get to call the shots. As much as we love being dragged to a campus hockey game in which we’re totally disinterested (yawn) we think it might be time that we do something we like for a change. What’s more, you’ll get to show him the real you. If you really love a band that’s performing on campus and you bring your crush with you, he’ll learn a lot about you just by being there.
5. Don’t Worry About the Outcome too Much
Olver says that the key to asking-him-out courage is to not view it as a make-or-break situation. “It’s important to recognize that if we ask out our crush and he says no, we’re still going to be fine,” she says. “[What] I think is so important is understanding [that] it’s not because you’re not good enough. It’s not because there’s something wrong with you. It’s just because he wants something different, and that’s okay. When you go into it with that mindset, there’s less nervousness; there’s less riding on it.”
The less nervous you are, the more casual you’ll be, and the more likely it is that he’ll be into the idea. Even if he just wants to be friends, you’ll feel better knowing!
“My advice would be: no matter how nervous you are, do it,” says Nicole, a senior at Marist College. “Otherwise, you’re just going to wonder if things would be different if you had opened up.” After all, it’s worth it in the long run, even if a guy or two turns you down along the way.
Take the lead in your love life this semester! No matter how nervous you may be about taking the plunge, you might just find that the shy guy you’ve been crushing on has been into you from the start. You’ll never know until you ask!
In general, it can be tough to get a 5 minute break as a parent. As a high-needs parent, I know that it can become that much more difficult (and complicated) in getting a break.
When children are young and in the consistent throws of sensory meltdowns (not toddler tantrums), finding a family member or adult willing or able to take on the kids can be near impossible. And let’s not even touch on the fact that it can be heartbreaking to leave your child with someone who doesn’t understand or appreciate your kiddo’s sensory needs.
The most popular place to get a 5 minute break according to the community? The bathroom! A close second was the shower.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t a viable option in my house. It seemed that I couldn’t even get five minutes in the shower without my son needing something or just feeling the irresistible urge to come talk to me… even when my husband was covering for me.
It often felt like I just couldn’t catch my breath. And people telling me to just take some time for myself… well, it felt defeating and made me feel even more isolated because they just didn’t get it!
But as a sensory parent, I’m telling you you’re not alone and many of us get the fact that is can seem darn near impossible to even carve out five minutes for ourselves.
How Do You get in a 5 Minute Break For Yourself?
Here’s what many of you had to say to this question….
“Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who understands that occasionally, ‘Mommy needs a time out.’” – Megan J.
“It used to be the bathroom. Now I get out art supplies! ” – Kim U.
“What’s a 5 minute break?? Do you know where I could buy one?” – Nicole D.
“I get my dad or husband to watch the kids while I go to the grocery store. That’s my ‘spa’ getaway!” – Christine J.
“Shower once they are down for the night. My mommy time out. During the day there’s no breaks.” – Kayleigh C.
“Lock bathroom door and bring son’s I pad! hahahah ” – Terri Sue S.
“At age six, my son has finally discovered video games. Thought it was terrible — until I realized I could finally pee in peace! ” – Jennifer H.
“I get in bathtub while my four year old is on my bed watching his favorite show. I leave the connecting door
open. ” – Fannie D.
“What’s a 5 minute break?? Do you know where I could buy one?” – Nicole D.
“A video equals a nap for me.” – Gina D.
“So far in almost 2 years….I HAVEN’T.” – Deborah P.
“We’ve implemented timers for almost all transitions to include mommy time. I started with 10 minutes little-buddy time and 5 minutes mommy time. He’s gotten used to it, and our time has increased a bit. ” – Nancy M.
“I take my 4 year old (SPD) and 20 month old twins for a 20 minute drive when I need to….. that said sometimes this backfires as the ‘seatbelt is not right/not tight enough.’” – Peta K.
Every day or so, we ask our followers on our Facebook page for tips, tricks and ideas for managing sensory issues (stemming from Sensory Processing Disorder, Autism and even ADHD) and what it’s like being a sensory parent. Read what other people have to say and join in on the discussion!
ADD YOUR TWO CENTS: How Do You get in a 5 Minute Break For Yourself?
For more ideas on how to take care of yourself as a parent, consider the following affiliate links:
Become a regular.
It might sound like the biggest cliché to pick someone up during their workout, but with one in five Happn users saying they’d rather go for a spontaneous run or walk to get to know someone than the traditional cinema, dinner or drink options, it’s clear that people are still willing to take a stab at finding romance on the treadmill.
Relationships on Female First
There’s a lot to be said for meeting someone at the gym – if you’re both there, you clearly already share one thing in common and it’s likely you live similar lifestyles with a focus on health and fitness. It’s also a good sign if someone’s still interested in chatting when you’re not looking your best and breaking a sweat.
But it’s got to be done in the right way – with anti-social headphones keeping people plugged in left, right and centre, and some intense routines that are not to be messed with, you should approach with caution.
Here to give us her top tips is Marie Cosnard, Head of Trends at dating app Happn:
1) Become a regular
Setting up a regular schedule for when you go to the gym, and perhaps even what classes you take, will help lay the groundwork for natural conversation starters as you start to bump into the same people again and again. It would almost be rude not to acknowledge them after all!
It’s not the same as meeting someone in a bar, where conversations might quickly turn to talk of romance, but it could ultimately lead to a great connection built on a solid foundation.
2) Make yourself approachable
That said, do make sure to mix up your routine and explore other areas of the gym. If you’re always lifting weights or hitting the cross-trainer, you could miss out on great people working on something else, or cut yourself off from those who would otherwise approach you.
3) Don’t overdo it
Pretending you’ve done 100 press ups after five, attempting to lift free weights that are twice as heavy as you are, or ‘dressing up’ for the occasion are all big no nos. People can sense those trying too hard to impress from a mile off and it’s not a good look.
Stick to your limits and be natural, but dedicated – the more determined you appear, and comfortable you seem in your own skin, the more you’ll exude confidence. And that’s attractive.
4) Share knowledge but don’t correct
Exchange tips and ask for advice – perhaps there’s a machine you’ve never used or you simply want to know where the best place for a protein shake is. But do not offer unsolicited critique on someone’s form. Offending your crush generally doesn’t bode well for the beginning of a budding relationship…
5) Be friendly and sincere
It really is as simple as that. A big warm smile, the occasional flirtatious glance and sincere compliments (but not on looks – or watch their guard go up and up). And if you’re going to make your move, perhaps a little self-awareness – it is cliché to approach someone in the gym, but if you put the disclaimer out there from the offset, you immediately get rid of all pretences and can start an honest conversation.
Office romances may be an HR nightmare, but they happen nonetheless.
In a 2017 CareerBuilder survey, 41 percent of workers ’fessed up to dating a co-worker, and 30 percent of those relationships led to marriage. Regardless of how common it is, asking your work crush out on a date requires a lot of tact, especially with all the workplace sexual harassment scandals that have unfolded over the last year.
How do you go about it without being a creep? Below, human resources and dating experts share six things to keep in mind before asking someone out at work.
1. Check what HR policies are in place.
Your workplace is just that: a workplace, not a bar or a dating app for download. None of the HR experts we spoke to encouraged actively looking for love at the office, but they acknowledged it happens. And while it’s less common for businesses to enforce or even have a non-fraternization policy, it’s still important to determine if your company has one, said Teresa Marzolph, founder of Culture Engineered, a human capital consulting firm in Phoenix.
“The few policies still in existence often focus on relationships that put the company as risk, such as a romantic relationship between a manager and their employee, or one that runs contrary to the checks and balances that exist within the company ― like quality assurance and customer service or finance and sales,” Marzolph told HuffPost.
If no guidelines exist, Marzolph recommends gauging the workplace culture around you: Have you heard of other office relationships developing in the past? Does the company encourage after-hours camaraderie among the staff?
“A company that sponsors or hosts non-work events and activities may be an example of a culture that’s much more tolerant or even supportive of relationships in the workplace,” Marzolph said.
2. Be friends first.
Avoid going from zero to 100 by establishing a friendship first, said Lynn Taylor, a workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior & Thrive in Your Job. This way, you’ll find out early on whether you have anything in common besides mutual disgust of your boss’ Tupperware lunches.
“Establish a foundation and find out if you’re compatible, personality-wise,” Taylor said. “Then, take cues. Gauge your next actions off the responses you generally receive from the person.”
3. Suggest getting coffee.
Take some of the stress out of the situation by suggesting a casual location for your date, said Neely Steinberg, a dating coach and image consultant.
“Coffee is usually a good suggestion because it’s low key and really, who doesn’t like coffee?” Steinberg said. “Plus, it may be perceived as a friend thing as opposed to an actual ‘date.’ If you’re not getting a good romantic vibe, you can always just chalk it up to a friendly co-worker coffee.”
4. When you do ask, don’t make it weird.
In the 12 years Marzolph has worked in human resources, sexual harassment complaints have almost always been about how someone went about asking, not the fact that they had asked.
“The common theme is that the interaction left one person feeling uncomfortable,” she told us. “Whether intended or not, most filing a claim or complaint describe the pursuing employee’s approach as awkward or inappropriate.”
To avoid becoming an office-wide pariah, be mindful of your surroundings and your body language when floating the idea of a date, Marzolph said.
“Don’t come on too strong or corner the person, and ideally, approach them outside of work or in the communal area,” Marzolph said. “Try to keep your approach light; be ready to give the person an easy out if they’re not interested, so you both can continue working together without tension.”
5. If they say ‘no,’ maintain professionalism throughout the experience.
Don’t take it personally if your crush is just not that into you, Taylor said.
“If the person declines, remember that this is a risky proposition,” she explained. “Your co-worker might have otherwise said ‘yes’ if you hadn’t met at work. Many are averse to dating co-workers as a personal policy.”
6. If they say ‘yes,’ still maintain professionalism throughout the experience.
From the beginning, recognize that this is an imperfect dating situation. Asking a colleague out isn’t simply about two people getting together ― it almost always complicates the workplace dynamic, said S. Chris Edmonds, a human resources expert and founder of The Purposeful Culture Group.
“Luckily, some work relationships work out great,” Edmonds said. “I met the woman who became my wife at work and we’ve been married 38 years now. You just need to be diligent in keeping work separate from your outside relationship. PDA or arguing at work will only increase tension and discomfort by other team members and observers.”
Whatever happens, Edmonds recommends keeping your personal policy on interoffice romances as simple as possible.
“The overarching policy everyone in the office should embrace is ‘don’t taint the workplace,’” he said.
By Jan Bruce
Whether you work from home, in a cubicle, or at a call center, you are likely take a few breaks during the day (rare though they may be). They may be so short and fleeting, in fact, that you’re tempted to let them pass by altogether.
Don’t do this. Why? Because there’s a lot that happens, and can happen, in the short, sweet span of a five-minute break: You can stretch your body, shift your mood, have a laugh, take a few deep breaths, or change your perspective (by looking somewhere besides your screen). The benefits of this brief respite go beyond the chance to flip through Facebook (again). Instead, you can use it to recharge your batteries, reduce the negative effects of stress, and reconnect to your sense of wellbeing.
Stumped on how to do all that in a short break? Here are 25 (yes, 25!) quick ideas to rejuvenate your body, mind, and spirit. Try one or two — you’ll be better off than you were five minutes ago.
- Take a tech-free break. Lift your eyes off your screen(s) and check out the scene around you. Just changing your field of vision gives your brain a chance to recharge.
Find a quiet corner, close your eyes, and breathe in for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of seven, and exhale completely to a count of eight.
Step outside and let the sun shine on your face, arms, back, or legs (sans sunscreen). The vitamin D boost is good in the moment and over time.
Send a video message. Yes–you can use tech to create something meaningful. Forget text: Film yourself delivering a 30 second message, telling an audience of one how much you appreciate him.
Surprise one friend with an actual phone call. No answer? Leave a fun message.
Walk around and connect with as many people as you can, even if it’s brief or little more than a pat on the back.
Compliment more than one person. See how many genuine kind words you can share in under five minutes.
Take a brisk walk. Outside is recommended.
Check your posture. This simple exercise can change how you breathe and feel: Imagine a string connected to the top of your skull, drawing you upward toward the ceiling. Feel yourself getting longer and lighter, your ribcage floating over your pelvis.
Do a speed round: ten wall push-ups, ten toe touches, ten squats, and a ten-second wall sit.
Choose a food that tastes really good–a sliced apple with some almond or peanut butter, for example, or a small cup of soup.
Drink some water. You may not think about it much–but being dehydrated can really slow you down. Replenish your inner resources with 8 oz right now.
Savor a snack. Post a pic of a snack you love on Instagram. Take a few deep breaths before diving in. As you eat, pay attention to the appearance, textures, and flavors of your food.
Read that article you saw two weeks ago on Facebook and keep meaning to check out.
Dip a few pages into a novel.
Watch an inspirational TED talk (or part of one).
Check in on a friend who’s going through a tough time. Even if it’s just a text that says you’re thinking of her.
Write a list of 10 things that you are grateful for.
Name two positive outcomes for every situation that has you worried.
Tune into a negative thought that’s been rattling around your head all day and Trap, Map, and Zap them.
Straighten up your workspace. You’ll clear your mind and feel more in control of your day.
Do a quick purse or wallet dump. Clean out all the old gum wrappers and receipts and put back only what you really need.
Brew — and sip — some tea. Never underestimate the calming ritual of even a simple tea ritual. Try a different flavor, such as lavender, chamomile, or peppermint.
Find that belly laugh. Watch that dog video everyone’s been sharing lately, a clip of a great sitcom, or a few minutes of your favorite comedian’s stand-up routine.
Hit play. Listen to five minutes of the most beautiful music you have at hand — the tunes that make you feel calm and positive about the world.
Franchise Your Business
Are you desperate to get in touch with a new client, mentor, employee or investor you don’t know? Typically the process goes as follows:
- Find someone you want to connect with.
- Use LinkedIn or Conspire to find three friends who know the person and ask people for an introduction.
- Learn that one of these friends actually knows that person; the other two “met him once.”
- Get connected by that one friend.
Although this process oftentimes bears fruit, sometimes the best introduction you could possibly have is from you, yourself. But before you get caught up in the intro-dance described above, why not just cut to the chase by emailing the person cold and seeing what happens? I’ve had current and past vendors do this with me, and I’ve done it successfully as well.
A few years ago, I was working on pitching an idea to the client to do a partnership with “Beats Music,” the company behind the famous Beats By Dre brand. The problem was that Beats was dead center of a massive hole in my network. I didn’t know anyone at Beats directly, and the company was still small, so I had no second-degree connections. I even knew people at Interscope, but the Beats brand was separate and my contacts didn’t have access to the team.
So, I picked up the phone and called the Beats front desk. I was transferred around a bit but ended up on the phone with the assistant to Luke Wood, the president of Beats. We scheduled something, and a couple of days later Luke called me while driving his convertible — a very annoying call.
Ultimately, the deal fell through, but still, from a cold call to the president? I definitely felt good about myself.
Going in cold doesn’t work for just me. Ilya Semin famously raised funding from Mark Cuban, using a cold email. Brian Wong, the high-profile CEO and cofounder of Kiip, is notorious for building his career on writing cold emails. Even to this day, in between segments on CNBC and meetings with titans of industry, Wong sends cold emails because, “People usually feel too intimidated to reach out, so executives don’t expect it.“
It worked for me; it worked for Wong and Semin; and it will probably work for you.
So let’s try a little experiment. Right now, pick someone you want to connect with: Looking to chat with President Obama? Go for it! What about Warren Buffett? Do it! The sky is the limit. Just pick someone.
I’m picking Ben Horowitz because I really liked his book.
Now spend five minutes to track down that person’s email and send a quick note. Right now. Do it. Seriously.
This could be the best five minutes that you have ever spent in your life, or it could be a complete waste of time. At the most, you are out five minutes. Next time you watch Game of Thrones, just fast-forward through the intro credits, and you will have that time back.
Don’t know what to write? No biggie; below are a few primer statements for you to start from. Your only objective should be to get the person to respond. After you send the email, shoot me a comment below and let me know how it goes.
We have yet to meet, but when I saw your post on _item_, I had to reach out.
My company is working on improving our _metric_. So far, our biggest roadblock is _item_.
Since you are an expert, I was hoping to connect, to run a few ideas by you and hear your thoughts.
If you’re interested, I am happy to send along more info.
Are you open to connecting?
We have yet to meet, but I was hoping to connect.
My company helps companies like yours improve _x_.
Recently, we worked with _y_ and _z_ improved _x_ by over _rate_. Assuming that your operations are similar, we may be able to help you see the same results.
I’m free _x_ and _y_ this week.
Are you open to a quick five-minute call to see if this could make sense for you?
We have yet to meet, but I saw that you invested in _x_.
My company provides a similar service in market _y_. So far, we’ve been able to drive _ metric_.
Although we aren’t currently fund-raising, we have learned a lot about _z_ and are happy to share with you what we have learned and hear your thoughts.
I’m free _t1_ and _t2_ this week.
Are you open to hopping on the phone for five minutes?
a)went b)has gone c)had gone
I choose has gone because it expresses an action that was completed very recent past i.e just 5 minutes ago although the word “just” is not mentioned.
Am i right in my approach? Please correct me if I am wrong?
3 Answers 3
He went out five minutes ago – is definitely better than using “has gone”.
You can also say:
He stepped out five minutes ago. – if you know that this person is coming back soon
He left 5 minutes ago.
One of the
Given that you have a very specific moment in time associated with the event, in the overwhelming majority of cases you should use Past Indefinite:
He went out five minutes ago.
Since the event time is in the past, you can’t use Present tense at all. The other option is Past Perfect (“had gone“), but you only use that if there is also a reference time in your statement, and it’s in the past as well. For instance, “I found out three minutes ago that he had gone” (Reference time is “three minutes ago”, and event time is in the past relative to that).
A “rule” pretty strictly adhered to in formal diction, and mostly adhered to in speech, is that we do not employ the present perfect with time adverbials which do not include the present. Under this rule, b (He has gone out five minutes ago) is excluded, because any point in time designated with the preposition ago, no matter how recent, excludes the present.
- However, if the time adverbial is marked as a “supplement”, something not integrated into the main clause but tacked on as an afterthought, the sentence would be acceptable: He has gone out—five minutes ago.
c, He had gone out five minutes ago, is also excluded, because ago in ordinary speech establishes a point in time relative to ‘Speech Time’, the time at which the sentence is spoken; but the past perfect locates an event as past relative to a different time which you are talking about, your ‘Reference Time’.
However, this sentence would be acceptable in certain literary uses. Virginia Woolf, for instance, was very fond of reporting her characters’ thoughts and words with past tenses, in the same timeframe as her narrative, but leaving the incidental adverbials in a present timeframe to preserve immediacy and colloquiality:
It was terribly dangerous work for a one-armed man, she exclaimed, to stand on top of a ladder like that — his left arm had been cut off in a reaping machine two years ago.
That leaves only a, He went out five minutes ago, which is the natural way of expressing this thought.
It doesn’t take much experience of the world of work to figure out that it’s not always the most competent people who rise to the top. Nor is the fact that someone has a strong opinion on a subject a reliable indicator that they know anything much about it.
In short, blowhards often manage to sell themselves as skilled, and overconfidence is frequently rewarded. (If you doubt the evidence of your own eyes on this point, there’s plenty of scientific evidence to back it up.)
So how can you avoid being taken in by the loud and self-assured, especially when you’re not an expert in a field yourself? What are the best ways to quickly and accurately sort the genuinely competent from the merely confident?
Writing on Quora recently, Shane Parrish, the entrepreneur and thinker behind the Farnam Street blog, offered a list of helpful suggestions he has compiled over the years. With these tricks, he claims, you can learn “how to separate the copycats and mimics from the real deal.” Here they are:
- Elon Musk on How to Tell if People Are Lying: “When I interview someone . [I] ask them to tell me about the problems they worked on and how they solved them. And if someone was really the person that solved it, they will be able to answer at multiple levels–they will be able to go down to the brass tacks. And if they weren’t, they’ll get stuck. And then you can say, ‘oh this person was not really the person who solved it because anyone who struggles hard with a problem never forgets it.'”
- Consider the time scales they operate under. The shorter the axis they work on, the more likely they are a mimic.
- They’re able to delay gratification (drugs, sex, etc.).
- They can simplify and deep dive.
- They have the ability to walk you through things step by step, without requiring great leaps.
- They spend a lot of time reading.
- Intelligent people normally get excited when you ask them why or how, whereas mimics normally get frustrated.
- Look at whom they hang around with.
- They can argue the other side of an idea better than the people who disagree with them.
- They know how to focus and typically create large chunks of time.
- They don’t waste a lot of time.
- They’ve failed.
What are your own tricks and tells to sort the genuinely smart from the merely overconfident?